I am a 60-year-old man now, married to a Korean woman who does not like sex and is not willing to test fun things out. Since I am not the best-looking guy, and cannot pick up women, and a sex acholic, I had to find alternatives. I have learned how to play with myself and found some real fun. I started like any other guy by masturbating but craved more.

One of my passions was soft silky sexy woman’s clothing. Since my wife is so much smaller than me, I had to buy them myself. Starting with panty’s in Walmart, stockings, garters, slips, dresses, and blouses. When my wife was at work, or I was on road trips I would put them on and walk around the house and beat-off while wearing them. This was still not enough. I loved to get dressed completely up in women’s clothing, silky and sexy, putting my shirt and pants over them and walking out to the woods and take the men’s cloths off and walk around proudly and feeling very horny. I would always get too horny and end up removing my panty’s or everything and beat off. Then I would continue to walk through the woods, panty-less or naked with cum drooling down my legs like the whore I wanted. I also liked dressing completely up as a sexy, whore woman and get in my car and just drive, yes you guessed it, I would reach under my skirt and cum all over me.

I started surfing porn sites and learning and seeing lots of new things and good ideas. Then I would reenact them on myself pretending I was a woman. I would strip in my garage and completely shave my body to enjoy my soft skin. Then I discovered Vaseline, and baby oil. I would cover my shaven body with the oils and beat myself off with the sensual juices. Baby oil is not so slippery as you would think. Then I discovered cooking oil, much better. Watching the porn, I wished she would do some of the things, sharing her, peeing in her cunt, gangbangs, strap-on, party sex and so much more.

I got an idea of trying to give myself a blow job since I had never had one and I was getting more and more horny with every discovery and fun event I did. I just could not roll my body up enough to get my dick in my mouth. I did however manage to beat-off into my own mouth while upside down. It tasted terrific, but was very difficult and I was getting fatter and older by the time I got here.

I finally realized I had an asshole and it could be fucked with a dildo. I went out and purchased a few, fat and long, glass, beads, and funnel like with an edge on the bottom so they would stay in, I liked them because you could go anywhere in public with the plug in your ass. When I bought them, I would give them to my wife and ask her to try them. They always ended up in the draw and never get used by her. At least I did not have to hide them and eventually get caught. She eventually threw them out. I would always enjoy them when she was gone or I was away from home. I still longed for more and found it in the garage one day while I was laying naked on the cold concrete with a dildo in my ass and peeing up my body.

There on the wall was a rake, shovel, and all kinds of tools. I tried them all, but they were so dry and hard to get in. I went out and bought rubbers for them and that was better and they went in deeper than dildos because they were longer. They still did not go in easily and I looked up and saw a funnel and had a great idea. I got off my knees and went to the kitchen and got that cooking oil. I did a shoulder stand against the garage door, put the funnel in my ass as deep as it would go and poured the oil into the funnel and down my asshole. That was a sensational feeling and I still do it. The shovel went in much easier and so far in I could see it in my belly. I came so fucking hard without masturbating I was so fucking happy. I started doing this every chance I could, but had to keep replacing the cooking oil.

One weekend I was looking for something new to put deep in my ass and looked hard at the wheel barrel in the corner. I put the oil in my ass, put a rubber on the wheel barrel handle, lifted my shirt and slip, got on my knees and backed onto the handle, two inches round and twenty inches plus long. It slid right in and I kept backing on it, more and more, one inch at a time. It was causing the oil to squirt out around it, down my thighs and on the floor. I was having so much fun I did not care. My cock was so fucking hard and was oozing clear fluid, spitting up on my face as I watched it under me. By this time, I had backed so far on the handle I had reached the metal barrel. I was doing crazy, pumping it in and out of me, and then my dick just blew, shooting cum all over my blouse and face, it was so much I could not believe it. I collapsed with the handle still deep in me and the whole thing fell over with me as I fell to the floor.

The next weekend I had to do that again but I wanted a different approach. I stood the wheel barrel on its end instead of laying it on the floor. I stood a ladder beside it and then filled my ass with oil again. Then I crawled up the ladder, pulled the wheel barrel closer behind me with the two inch ball at the crack of my ass, placed the handle at my assholes edge under my dress, and stepped down the ladder lowering my ass onto the handle, going lower and lower on the ladder until I hung on the handle and my feet were dangling off the ladder and the floor. I was about twelve inches off the floor being supported only by the wheel barrel handle. Oh, this felt so fucking sensational. I reached down to my cock which was hard as a rock. I opened my blouse, reached around to my ass and scooped up some of the oil that was drooling from me, and smeared it on my exposed, shaved breasts. I then gathered some more oil with my other hand and slathered it on my cock and balls. I was having so much fun massaging my breasts and cock, the pain of hanging on the wheel barrel was gone. I came so hard my whole body shuttered and I fell again, hard down on the cement with the handle still in me. I laid there for about a half hour, just enjoying the feeling and cum again. It was so much fun I do this all the time when I am home alone.

One day while surfing porn I discovered urethra sounding, or fucking your penis. Since I did not have the toys for this I looked around and found some chop sticks and began to experiment with them. They went in easily and if I wiggled them around I could go about sixteen inches in. it did not excite me as much as the other play time things I did. I went on to some other sites and was told that I needed to go wider, maybe order some professional toys. I did order this tube that went into my penis and had a ring on the top that held it in me. I when for my walks in the woods with it and rides in the car, but still nothing. I did enjoy beating off with it in me and it held the cum in until I removed it, that was cool. I then bought a wedge object, it was short but gave me the stretching feeling I was looking for. Then I found this kit of rods of different diameters up to a half inch. The first four were easy and fun. I could get them all twelve inches in easy. The rest were hard to get in, and hurt. I came up with this idea. I got a ¼ inch hose, put it in the cooking oil, sucked it full to my mouth, thirty-six inches worth, put the hose in my cock and started to blow the oil out as I lowered it in. I did get the hose empty and all thirty-six inches of it. It felt wonderful. I pulled it out and then got the first rod that was an issue and slipped it in. it did go all the way in, but still hurt. I left it in, went to the bathroom and got some tooth ache medicine. I dripped a drop on my urethra hole and the pain disappeared. I reached between my legs under my balls and pushed the rod out. I reached over and got the next one, 3/8 of an inch and pushed it in, my cock was hard now ad I was enjoying it. I walked around the house with it fully in me and came while I was walking. Back to the garage, I got the ½ inch one and said this is going in. with a little force, it went in, but I needed more tooth ache medicine. I added some more oil using the hose and in she went. To keep it in, I put my panties on, put my boys clothes over my girly things and went off to the woods. My cock was wide now and hard, it felt so great under my skirt. Before I left, I cut eighteen inches off the shovel handle and took it with me. Once in the woods edge I took the boys cloths off and the panty’s. then I shoved the shovel handle in my ass and went for a walk, the ½ inch rod still in my dick too. By the time I reached a half mile, I had stripped all my clothes off. I was enjoying pulling and pushing the handle in and out of my ass as I walked and had cum several times. When I got back to the woods edge, I dressed and went back to the garage. I stripped and removed the handle first releasing a crapload of oil out of it. It was a terrific feeling. Then I pushed the rod out from behind, the medicine wore off though, but all of the cum gushed out and felt so astonishing I forgot the pain.

I still do all of this as often as I can and will never stop. I will always look for more exhilarating things to do. Guys, play with yourself if your wife will not