mykyl0
Member Since October 19, 2009
a day i'll never forget(true story)
by
gman995
5091 days ago
mykyl0
5563 days ago
gman995
5091 days ago
mykyl0
5563 days ago
-
1
+
*Sigh* Try again.
I actually touched them!
by
eshamtheunholyone
eshamtheunholyone
I like the premise you can set up from this. Try turning this into an ongoing series; it would be pretty good.
The school slut and the Shy boy
by
gottoloveme
gottoloveme
That is one hell of a story. It had a bit of everything. The only problem I had with it was the one big paragraph for the sex. You should have broken that up.
SECRETS THAT A MOTHER AND SON KEEP
by
bshaddow
bshaddow
It was a wonderful fuck story. It was a little too long since the content didn't vary that much, and you used the word "incestuous" far too many times. But who's complaining? More, please.
The Girl Down The Street Part 3
by
pusshunter
pusshunter
Another good story, but there's always room for improvement. First off, even though you space out paragraphs, you should indent anyway to make it easier on the eyes. Also, all we know visually about the sister is that she has B cup breasts; you neglected
The Girl Down The Street Part 3
by
pusshunter
pusshunter
I take back the stuff about the sister in terms of physical description. I guess I wasn't reading very carefully.
Goddess in the Making
by
frankenweeny
frankenweeny
10/10, no questions asked. You have incredible talent. I was hooked once I got to "She sparkled with mischief and adventure from the roots of her curly blonde hair down to her shapely ankles." Just beautiful. Keep writing, to better yourself and for the b
Skipping School Part 3
by
SPEEDOES01
SPEEDOES01
This is awful. You just want to talk about raping and mutilating young boys. Go do that once you get arrested to Big Bubba as he rapes you, you sick fuck.
The Dentist
by
noobie
noobie
You could have described sensations a little better, but don't look to me for tips since this kind of story isn't really my specialty. But keep going; this story (possible series) has a lot of potential, especially with the taboo hook of a dentist screwin
Life
by
ramirez
ramirez
This story isn't comprehensible, and you're clearly not literate. Why? " Fozzi!!! you know what give us a burn on ya spliff and i will fuck you right here right now" I'm sorry, but what the hell is that supposed to mean?
Jack & Donna.......& Nicole, Chapters 5 & 6
by
DJN57
DJN57
Once again, I'm impressed. I can see this as going in many different directions, which is why I like it so much.
WTF's High School Defense Force - Lesson II
by
Deathnote
Deathnote
You're obviously 15 or so and have been watching too much Naruto. If you want to write erotica, get to it, but don't make this the place for your awful fan fiction.
Mom's Tan
by
Mbop
Mbop
Absolutely amazing. I loved the use of imagery and the beautiful buildup to the sex. My only criticism is that at some points you said what was happening rather than showing it, especially with some of the sexual moans. Even with that, absolutely wonderf
A Late Morning Dream
by
Nero
Nero
It's a good first try, but your inexperience definitely shows. First tip, read your stories through before submitting them. That way you avoid errors like "I got a called from Jess" that don't show up in a spell check. Also, things like "*tear*" don't bel
My Best Friend's Little Sister
by
StonerKid
StonerKid
You need to fix your technical aspects (grammar, spelling, etc.) and add more buildup and detail before you'll start seeing the 9's and 10's. Regardless, it can happen if you read more good stories and practice.
Naughty next door. I get my revenge
by
steve6060
steve6060
Where in the world are people in college at 15 years old?
Tales of a Prostitute
by
E.phoenix
E.phoenix
That was amazing writing! My only problems are that you wrote it in-browser, so there were some errors, and the language of the sex wasn't as erotic as I would have liked. But honestly, that was some of the best writing to ever grace this site.
High School for Sluts Ch. 3
by
Master_Tirade
Master_Tirade
It's good idea-wise, but you need to write more and edit more. More details, more dialogue, more hot, hot, lesbian sex.
Camping with the slutty scout
by
dobber01
dobber01
First off, you have a very hot concept on your hands, which is good. However, there is much room for improvement here. To start, draft a story in MS Word so you can get rid of spelling errors and grammatical errors. Also try reading it through yourself be
a dream come true
by
real_guy898
real_guy898
I haven't read your story yet because of the layout. Divide up paragraphs. If it's hard on the eyes, no one will read it.
A Family In Love
by
lmsyd4u
lmsyd4u
This has gone on long enough. You just keep writing these stories without any improvement at all. Limited or no dialogue, no imagery; nothing. Your stories are more or less as follows: this happened, this happened, and this happened. Either get better as
Me and my cousin
by
bigcfh
bigcfh
Do you even know what it means to speak English? There was not one fucking period in that entire jumbled cesspool that you called a story.
Dreaming of Daddy
by
DAELAANL
DAELAANL
I like that you try something so different from the standard illegible and illiterate block of text that's so common. I like the idea, but you should have made it more detailed and described actions and sensations more throughly.
Me and Mah Sisters
by
icekold666
icekold666
You should start your stories with a list of events, like what you have. Then flesh it out by adding dialogue and imagery.
Miss Longly
by
Trap
Trap
Wonderful setup. All I can say is that you should write a sequel, or even make a series. It would be a disservice on your part to do anything less.
My Aunt
by
meemo
meemo
What you have here is what I would say should be the second or third incarnation after the outline. Add dialogue and plot buildup. And most importantly, show, don't tell. You want to convey the situation so readers can feel like they're experiencing it as
My New Ability
by
skybandit
skybandit
I love this story. Erotic with proper grammar, spelling, compelling writing, and a good plot. It's reminiscent of "The Drawing of the Three", the second book in Stephen King's Dark Tower series. You should read those books; they seem like they'd be your t