tboneguy
Member Since October 19, 2009
Guest speaker
by
chainhunta
5101 days ago
tboneguy
5573 days ago
chainhunta
5101 days ago
tboneguy
5573 days ago
-
1
+
This is not one of the good ones. The story doesn't make much sense, it's one huge blob words, instead of being divided into proper paragraphs, and has no capitalization or punctuation to speak of. You should let others do the writing.
Stalker 1
by
pace_purr
pace_purr
This one is really well-written and has enormous potential, but it's much too short and rushed. It would be wonderful if you stretched out each part of it. Much more teasing while shopping. Much longer and detailed sex scene, and I think that needs to
More Than One
by
mrjjones
mrjjones
Whew! Hot, hot, hot! This is really well-written and incredibly sexy. I very much enjoyed it.
China Girl
by
Bath
Bath
This might be a decent story, but I'm not about to try to read a big blob of words like this. I can't believe that anyone who submits here doesn't know to split the story into reasonable paragraphs.
One Freezing Cold Day in December
by
Zerozo
Zerozo
This is a nice story, characters set up well, and it moved right along. I have 2 complaints, though. (1)You didn't reach any sort of ending. It just stopped, right when it was getting good, apparently in anticipation of a sequel. And (2) you need to w
My Neighbor Dani
by
centerice99
centerice99
Overall, well written and paced nicely. Anatomy problem: the hymen is not located "halfway down." It is right at the mouth of the vagina; a guy couldn't get the head in without breaking it. And by the way, even a lot of females don't know where it is!
date rape
by
stanstan
stanstan
Well, I don't see the "date rape." After a little initial reluctance she's all for it. I can see where this one could work, but you have no buildup at all. He's Mr. Wonderful, she's a virgin, yet she's happy to let him do anything he wants, even cum in
Mitchells World (A long story)
by
WickedTea44
WickedTea44
I disagree. I thought you set up the first sex scene nicely. Everything was quite plausible. Not as sure about some of the later ones, and there are some grammatical things. You have a rough time with "your" and "you're" and some others. Still, good
Dawning Love
by
pasego
pasego
I'd have given it a 5 if you knew where your hymen is/was. It is not "3 inches in"; it's right at the opening and usually you can't insert much of anythiing without breaking it. Surprises me how many women don't know that. By the way, my wife died when
Big Sister Helps Out
by
Doherty
Doherty
Moves awfully quickly, but then, you set it up that way. Don't be afraid to develop the characters a bit more. You definitely need to use a spell checker.
I couldn't resist him
by
Rob-ed01
Rob-ed01
I'll echo everything the others said except for the "more chapters." It's a wonderful and complete story, no sequel needed. And I'm going to download this one to my personal collection for later entertainment. Your sexual description is fantastic and I
Life of Alexandra Ch. 1
by
jrebbyank
jrebbyank
Y'know, this is decently written and has some pretty good possiblities, but for the life of me I can't figure out why you don't use paragraphs. It's obvious that you know better than to write a blob of words. You've never seen a published story written
Delectable Daughter- Part 1 and 2
by
Jr.Kong69
Jr.Kong69
Very enjoyable story; very sexy and I liked it a lot. One question: how could she stick the dildo inside her and not break her cherry? The hymen is right at the front of the vagina, less than 1/4 inch back. Couldn't happen. Anatomy is important if we'
Daddy's Little Girl Grows Up Fast
by
g_goyal2000
g_goyal2000
I do believe that if I were going to criticize someone's "gramer" I would first learn to spell "grammar" and "going", and perhaps work on capitalization and punctuation, too. Actually, the only major problem with this story is the paragraphing: any time
Danielle
by
TaleTwister
TaleTwister
Y'know, this one is so bizarre that it's good. And damn well written. Sure, I'll read the sequels. A little fantasy is good for us all.
Matt and Suze... and Kerry: Part 3
by
Chunks
Chunks
I thoroughly enjoyed the original story and when you didn't continue it I wrote my own sequel, just for my own enjoyment, not to submit anywhere. In mine, Kerry eventually seduces Matt. But I like yours, too. This is a sweet story that could continue i
Becky's Babysitter
by
Jolly1
Jolly1
You have another winner here, BJ. I dunno whether high school kids could ever be that caring and understanding with each other, but it's nice to think about and it's the way I prefer characters in a story to behave.
Becky's Babysitter
by
Jolly1
Jolly1
You have another winner here, BJ. I dunno whether high school kids could ever be that caring and understanding with each other, but it's nice to think about and it's the way I prefer characters in a story to behave.
Amateur Glamour Model
by
Jolly1
Jolly1
Does anyone know why this story just sits atop the Erotic Stories list? It might be a decent story, but I don't know, since the wall of words is impossible to read. Why doesn't it work its way down and off the first page like other stories?
My Sexy Little Girls
by
Drakkar
Drakkar
Whew! Superbly done. I think you have established a new world record for nonstop action and copious detail. I need more detail in my own stories, and this shows is the way to do it. One criticism: the word "virgin" is vastly overused. By the end of
The Temptation of Tanya
by
StarSapphire
StarSapphire
I'm very confused here, Star. I really did try to read your story, and it's written really, really well and I was enjoying it. But... have you never been introduced to paragraphs? I got bogged down and stopped reading because it's one big blob of text.
Sarah's present for her Brother
by
Carolina3777
Carolina3777
I think it's a darn good story, far better than 90% of the drivel posted here. And I have no idea what the question mark thing is all about; I didn't notice anything. But you are having problems with this stupid software, as are many of us, and I can't
Breakfast Club 4
by
margoslips
margoslips
Really enjoyed this group of stories. Lots of sex, of course, but very romantic also. I prefer stories in which the people are important, not just the sex. Guess there are no more installments, though; babies sorta complicate things.
Oh Brother 2
by
margoslips
margoslips
My oh my, I do like a story that gets me hard and squirmy, and you did just that. I'd have given it more stars if I could. You write beautifully and I hope you will contribute here often.
A Band Story
by
margoslips
margoslips
Really cute story. I enjoyed it a lot. I thought you caught the high school attitude really well. More paragraphs would have made it easier to read. You should change paragraph any time the speaker changes. Yeah, that's a lot of paragraphs in this st
by
bjcortland
bjcortland
Ah, BJ, you have another winner here. This is the sort of story that we'd love to see a lot more often. Beautifully done in every way. Uh, one little grammar thing: "it's" ALWAYS means "it is". If that's not what you mean, then always use "its". Its
Nice Party III
by
lovr
lovr
Very, very sexy and beautifully written. I have read the previous installments and thoroughly enjoyed this one. One suggestion: it would be really good to have a brief synopsis (2 or 3 sentences) of previous story to get the reader started. I had forg
My Sister in Law and her first experience!
by
davehh39
davehh39
Very sexy. I happen to have a thing for small women and don't mind if they are a little chubby. Looks like you have the same problem with this sucky editing window that I have. If you figure out how to get the blank lines right, please let me know; I h
Babysitting Becomes Interesting, Part 3
by
Jerimiah40
Jerimiah40
This is well-written and enjoyable. My only real gripe is that the kids show a level of sexual sophistication far beyond their years and experience, even though the girls are "comfortable" with each other. Kids that age just wouldn't be that cool about