tboneguy
Member Since October 19, 2009
A twist of fate
by
FUZZYHERMIT1
5101 days ago
tboneguy
5573 days ago
FUZZYHERMIT1
5101 days ago
tboneguy
5573 days ago
-
10
+
Very nicely done, Fuzzy. I enjoyed it.
The school slut and the Shy boy
by
gottoloveme
gottoloveme
Very enjoyable story. I like it when they contain some romance. Michael is right about the paragraphs. You need to break up the big ones if only to make it easier to read. The paragraphing earlier in the story is about right.
First Encounter - A New Adventure
by
teril36
teril36
Teri, I really don't understand. A wall of words like this is going to get very few reads. Most people will just click "back" and go to the next story. Certainly you know about paragraphs. Why didn't you use them?
A walk on the beach
by
Connie2007
Connie2007
Very well-written and quite plausible. Yep, you left it open for more if you choose to write it.
Snow Day
by
hotchick2724
hotchick2724
I don't know how old you are, but from this story I would guess about 12. Couple of things you should know. One, Eskimos don't call themselves Eskimos; they are Inuit. Two, writers use paragraphs. A "wall of words" is very hard to read.
Goddess in the Making
by
frankenweeny
frankenweeny
This is such a great story. Not a single thing to correct or complain about. Considering what usually gets 5 stars on this site I feel that I am cheating you, but it's all they will allow. I'll be watching for future stories.
My Girl
by
Ragion
Ragion
Yeah, this is a really nice story and could be developed as much as you want. John has good points. The names get mixed up and there are an awful lot of typos. You really need to proofread A LOT, several times, and you'll be amazed that you keep catchi
Skipping School Part 3
by
SPEEDOES01
SPEEDOES01
My policy has always been that if I can't write something good, or at least helpful, about a story, I don't comment. But of all I have read at this site, this is the worst of the worst. I can't imagine what kind of mind would conceive something like thi
Nanette's Adventures
by
NanetteSap
NanetteSap
I was really enjoying this one and then...it just stopped. No ending, no reason, just no more. Very unsatisfying. Don't be in such a hurry to submit. If you had written a decent installment of a story I would have given it a 5. Otherwise, my only sug
Falling for Brother Part 5---Re-Edited
by
Naughty_Bear123
Naughty_Bear123
I know just what you mean about the paragraphs. Two of my stories came out looking the same awful way. The problem is that this sorry-ass software doesn't understand carriage returns or tabs. I think I have found the answer. When you put a blank line
I never had a dad before...
by
ChristyCr23
ChristyCr23
Very enjoyable. If you are going to write about oral sex you need to learn to spell "tongue."
The Demonstration Part V
by
xrigorxmortisx702
xrigorxmortisx702
This series has really been fun. Totally new theme and very well written. Congrats.
Camryn: C06
by
enchrine
enchrine
Y'know, this is really a weird story. I keep reading, but it's strange and I don't quite understand where it's going.
The big party
by
emily123
emily123
No, it's not long, and it doesn't have a lot of buildup, and it isn't very hot, and the grammar isn't very good, and the spelling is worse. Golly, you put little or no effort into this. You need to write more before you submit and proofread a whole lot
Camryn: C.02
by
enchrine
enchrine
Good story. Good characters and I like the young, shy bit. This one could probably continue as long as you want to. And I understand about the boxes and/or question marks. The submission software that we have on this site is abysmal. As you noted, i
The Lunch Date
by
JackntheBox
JackntheBox
Great reading; far, far above the standards for this site. And why does everyone think he must offer suggestions for improvement? Occasionally a story is just GOOD, and this is one of the times.
Diary of a Nympho
by
Fyre
Fyre
I believe that's the best erotic story I ever read, a beautifully constructed description of that lady's sexual experiences and her feelings about them. It's so far above the norm here that I wonder why you are posting at this site. There are better pla
A gymnasts first time (part 2)
by
hothornyhannah
hothornyhannah
Good heavy sex. Not so sure a virgin (even one who has watched porn) would be that knowledgable about sex. And gymnasts seldom have any tits to speak of; too little body fat. Oh, one more thing: the hymen is right at the opening. You don't go inside
A secret revealed
by
Sarah_Girl
Sarah_Girl
Sarah, I share your frustration with the crappy editing software that this site provides. It used to offer a "preview" option so that you could see what it was going to look like. Don't know why they took that away. Anyhow, I have found a foolproof met
Jimmy
by
thearchivist
thearchivist
You can make your stories easier to read if you use shorter paragraphs and a blank line between them. If you insert the blank line and hit SPACE a time or two this software will print the blank line.
Father, Forgive Me For I Have Sinned
by
Peter_Pan
Peter_Pan
Beautifully written. I can't find a thing to complain about (and I usually can). I suspect that most of us old farts entertain fantasies about situations like that, and they are wonderful fantasies. As amani said, though, we mustn't cross the line. Th
EDUCATING THE SITTER, OR? - PART II
by
Wizardwriter
Wizardwriter
Wizard, I tried, I really did. But goddammit, a real writer uses PARAGRAPHS!!! I mean, when have you ever seen a story in a book or magazine that looks this way? This is just too friggin' hard to read. It wore me out. Do yourself and your readers a f
My Asian beauty
by
Bradley
Bradley
Yeah, this one definitely has potential. I'd suggest you stretch it out; make us want it. You certainly have a good thing going here.
Daddy's Naughty Daughters
by
UK_Younglover
UK_Younglover
Whew! Wall to wall sex! If that doesn't get your motor running you are out of gas. It was quite well-written, and if one likes nonstop action, I highly recommend it. I have 2 complaints. (1) The word "virgin" was vastly overused, especially at the be
Raven's tale
by
Pharoah
Pharoah
Well, since it's your first submission I wouldn't want to be discouraging, but this is not a story; it's just the very beginning of one. It's only 3 paragraphs and nothing happened. Develop your story, entertain your readers, and don't be afraid to take
My Beautiful Niece
by
tocs8188
tocs8188
I have to assume that this was written as a joke. It couldn't have been intended as a serious story, even for a porn site. I really don't ever make comments like this, but I'd suggest that you just read the stories and let someone else write them. Thi
A Night To Remember
by
Gwystyl
Gwystyl
Yep, I fully agree with prymA; definitely should not be shorter. Most of the folks here write a paragraph or two and then "to be continued." That's not a story; it's an introduction. You have a good installment of a story here and I look forward to the
Things That Go Bump in the Night
by
Temptress4
Temptress4
Wow, speaking of forbidden fruit! I think most of us would never do something like that, but it's a helluva fantasy.
TABOO
by
ashish
ashish
OK, I understand that English is not your primary language (some variety of Arabic, perhaps?), so that explains the odd phrasings and wrong words. Actually, I think they add an exotic flavor. But we use paragraphs in English, and change paragraphs whene
sasuke's gift part 1
by
baker81
baker81
One blob of a paragraph with no capitals, almost no punctuation (and even that used incorrectly), and every other word misspelled is not a story. This should never have been posted, and I implore you not to submit any more "stories."