bjcortland
Member Since October 19, 2009
Babysitting and reaping the benefits
by
oddjob6235
5082 days ago
bjcortland
5553 days ago
oddjob6235
5082 days ago
bjcortland
5553 days ago
-
1
+
Just needs a little more editing. Spellcheck and other grammatical errors. It got a little hard to read after Val got home and it became one long paragraph. You need to break it up so it's easier to read. Keep writing, though. You certainly have talen
One Drunken Night
by
Kefka
Kefka
Intriguing story. Well written and lots of sexy possibilities. Can't wait for the next part.
Leah's Wild Sexual Adventures- Ch. 2
by
ImmortalRomance
ImmortalRomance
Another great chapter in the life of a very naughty slut! Keep them coming!
Never turn back
by
Aint_No_Angel
Aint_No_Angel
Not a bad start to an interesting plot. I did find the part about her removing her sweater and t-shirt without realizing it a little hard to swallow, though.
Lesson Learned
by
MLSP
MLSP
Good story, but your writing style is a little confusing. I had to reread it a couple of times before I could sort it out. Your English is still way better than my Acadian, though! lol
Lesson Learned Part2
by
MLSP
MLSP
Much easier to read than Part 1. If this is what you can do in a couple of hours, you could have an excellent story if you took some time to rewrite and fine-tune. Keep up the good work. Oh, as for the Acadian reference: You mentioned that you were Fre
Lesson Learned Part2
by
MLSP
MLSP
This isn't the place for chatting, Marc. Sign up in the forums section and you can e-mail or pm me.
Meeting Amanda For The First Time
by
ragnar38
ragnar38
Don't apologize for no sex right away. I like the long build-up. It makes the characters more real and the story better IMO. Could use a little grammatical editing, but nothing serious. Keep it up.
Girls at the car wash. Part 1.
by
Conor Oberst
Conor Oberst
A very well-written little teaser. Can't wait to read the rest!
Girls at the car wash. Part 1.
by
Conor Oberst
Conor Oberst
Got my reviews backwards - meant to give it four stars!
From a nobody
by
dghust
dghust
A very interesting and erotic tale, but I recommend using the spell checker for your next one. We all make spelling mistakes, but they detract from the story. Overall, a good effort.
Sweet Threesome
by
Fyre
Fyre
Very descriptive, and I loved the sound effects! I felt like I was right there watching! Great job!
WTF High's School Defense Force - Lesson I
by
Deathnote
Deathnote
Great plot and very enthralling. Some parts seemed a little vague (the "demon hunter" reference when Thirteen gets back to his locker. Otherwise, well done!
Nick loves ME
by
LoveToLearn
LoveToLearn
A very erotic story! I loved your descriptions of the sexual intimacy. It could have used a little more editting (then again, I'm a little picky about that sort of thing). Overall, a great story. Keep it up!
Fucking with my best friend] part one
by
scenejo
scenejo
It's one long sentence. Didn't get past the first ouple of lines.
First Time With Sam
by
loverfromchitown12
loverfromchitown12
Like you say, a few errors, but overall not bad for your first try. You might want to add a little more detail to make your characters more 3 dimensional. Lots of potential. Keep at it.
The Pink Bikini
by
kremey
kremey
A very unique and intriguing story. One suggestion: although I understand the need for the broken English, you might want to lighten up a bit on it. It detracts from the story when you have to reread a passage several times to understand it. Overall,
Summer Camp Sisters
by
zimbardo
zimbardo
Good start, but you kind of left us hanging there in the middle of a scene.
The Hunt (Part 1)
by
Victoriajohn
Victoriajohn
Loved the storyline! Very inticing concept! Can't wait for part 2!
In the Gym
by
sexchild
sexchild
Good story, but it's all one big paragraph. If you wrote it this way, fix it. If you wrote it with paragraphs, it may be your browser. I had this problem when using Firefox. When I switched to IE, it posted with paragraph breaks.
forced sex is amazing
by
Lissa13
Lissa13
Great story and well written, but you need to use caps in the right places. A small thing, yes, but I found it distracting. Great writing though.
Survivors, Ready! Part 1
by
Fyre
Fyre
Very interesting story. I can see all kinds of fun stuff happening! Can't wait for part 2!
Me and Janey
by
lovestobang1991
lovestobang1991
The lack of capitals and quotation marks around speech is very distracting. There were also a few spelling and grammatical errors. You have a good writing style and a little polish would make this a great story.
Amateur Glamour Model
by
Jolly1
Jolly1
I've been struggling with the same problem - why does it come out in one block of text? Turns out, it was because I was using Mozilla. When I switched to IE, it posted correctly. Good story, though. Try a resubmit.