Fyre
Member Since October 19, 2009
Farm Yard Melody (Part 1)
by
new_age_sandman
5069 days ago
Fyre
5542 days ago
new_age_sandman
5069 days ago
Fyre
5542 days ago
-
4
+
There's nothing wrong with your idea. (It makes me wet.) So YES please sign up in the discussion area for some help with proofreading. What is great about this is that it's something that interests YOU in improving your writing, so get out there and kee
When Fido Popped Her Cherry
by
virgin_animallover
virgin_animallover
Virgin, I didn't have any big problems with your story or your details. It's kind of scary that some of these other reviews profess to know what it's actually like to have sex with a dog. (Write what you know? Gag.) However, I think you could figure o
Naughty Stepdaughter
by
hornydaddy4262
hornydaddy4262
You have a couple places where you need to capitalize words. :) But the action just keeps coming on this one, and I suspect so will your readers. There's a lot of "noise" in this one, and I think that's probably popular and something I could stand to d
Mother's Milk
by
NightmarePrincess
NightmarePrincess
I liked this story. I remember that breast feeding is so arousing! You have captured that. Otherwise, she needs to get some breast pad inserts!
Taking Lisa's Virginity
by
big_un1979
big_un1979
I thought your story lacked imagination, but I'm not going to diss it like some of these other reviews. If you want to improve your writing, please use paragraphs more effectively. I liked your little details, like when you say "She was watching Dukes o
Uncle Takes A Niece
by
familyluvr
familyluvr
I really enjoyed this one. If you're trying to improve your writing, there are a couple of errors, "handful" not "hand full" and you misuse "to" a couple places where you mean too. Otherwise the action is hot, hot, hot. I don't personally need promises
He Was a Dirty Dog--and So Was I
by
Rodger-the-Dodger
Rodger-the-Dodger
I thought the voice in your story projected innocence. I liked the paragraph about you letting your mind go to warm places as you rub the folds... That was the best part of the story. I would have liked you to develop the theme of "Buster ready for a t
On the Road Again
by
_Brent_123
_Brent_123
Yes, I noticed the flips between tense and a couple of misspellings, but I liked the banter between the two characters. I thought the characterization of Kris was fresh and fun. Believe it or not, I am a female semi truck driver (with a nice bag of toys
A Great Vacation
by
Dyechamp
Dyechamp
It should have been smelled. Not smelt. Your story is undeveloped. You have a good imagination and I didn't think that your ideas were terrible, but they were illogical and chaotic. Your story was hard to follow. I would suggest you get help next tim
Good Girl At Heart: Lexi's Adventures...part 1
by
goodgirlatheart
goodgirlatheart
Great start, Lindsay! I think your characters are cute, and believable. I'd like to see you write more.
1 is fun 2 is better
by
wolfays2003
wolfays2003
Family Dreamer, you will get bad reviews because you didn't take the time to do anything to this but spit it out. PLEASE do a rewrite and take the time to develop each scene. Your initial draft is for your eyes only. DOGGY. You misspelled Doggy. How?
Deep Dark Secrets
by
mofo
mofo
Okay, so it didn't format your paragraphs... I read pt 2 and you're doing fine. I think you need to develop the background more, this seems a little rushed. I like the "voice" of your protagonist.
Student/Teacher Conference Part 2
by
2hornyTeens
2hornyTeens
There are a couple mistakes (shinning and your instead of you're) that I caught.
What I like about this story is her youthfulness and enthusiasm. I didn't read part one so I don't understand why she's quite so hot for this teacher. The one part that
What I like about this story is her youthfulness and enthusiasm. I didn't read part one so I don't understand why she's quite so hot for this teacher. The one part that
Ashleigh's Chocolate Craving
by
sexkitty
sexkitty
I rated you down a notch because I think you can tighten up your intro. But this is great stuff. I'm cracking up tho-what'd you do? Find the one black dude at WSU? :)
A Mug of Coffee
by
anerotic54
anerotic54
Please use paragraphs! You have started with fairly interesting characters but you are making us work too f*&^ing hard. You will get bad reviews because you just didn't take the time to write more conventionally. I had to stop reading it halfway throug
Spin The Bottle
by
paul1254
paul1254
Great story. A lot of readers don't take time to comment, unless a story's awful, so please don't get discouraged if you don't get a lot of feedback. I liked the story, how it got out of hand and the evening was much different than he might have imagine
Wanting You
by
justjim
justjim
I thought it was interesting and fresh to read something in present tense. I would have liked to have had some twist or explanation. You tell us that they are hot for each other and meet from time to time, I'd have really liked it if at the end they wer
Starting Over
by
Littledove4492
Littledove4492
When you format your story, please put a space between paragraphs, this is too hard to read...
Starting Over
by
Littledove4492
Littledove4492
When you format your story, please put a space between paragraphs, this is too hard to read...
Bruno and I get Mom
by
sugaray
sugaray
I didn't really think your story was very well done. Cartoons at fifteen? Well sure, there's lots of cartoons for older people, how bout SouthPark? But I didn't think the story was plausible. There was nothing that showed any explanation why your dog
Ride A Cowboy
by
wild34
wild34
Ashley, thank you so much for contributing to the site. If you want to improve your writing, take more time. A double space between paragraphs will ensure your story doesn't just print out in one long one. You have a lot of spelling errors, like role i
Getting caught with your pants down, the family pet and answering to mum
by
freewayoflove
freewayoflove
I read it all, even though it needs paragraphs and some editing. For me the action moves through the events too much and I always find it hard to believe stories where a young girl asks for an ass fucking the first time. But I enjoyed the story anyway.
Broke in young boy
by
scoutsatan
scoutsatan
I liked your story but your spelling errors and lack of paragraphs distract from the quality.
Cassie
by
jeffreyd
jeffreyd
This is a good little story, but you can improve. I'd like to see it more developed, a little more description. There are a lot of parts that have mistakes. I think if you read it aloud, you'll find some of the verb errors, etc. Thanks for the tale!
Julie's Mom
by
Kita
Kita
I thought the sex between the two was very hot. I didn't think it likely that a 5' girl 92 lbs would have C cups, why is it necessary for every character to have huge tits? Small tits are great too. Otherwise, if the mom is 5'10, wouldn't she weigh mor
My Time Alone
by
justjim
justjim
I like this story a lot. I think you did a great job of capturing the innocence of her having her eyes and imagination captured by doing another woman. Thanks for the tale!!
Ginving into him again
by
mofo
mofo
You have some spelling errors that you should fix, but your story is good. It reads like it really happened, because it's easy to imagine the thump of the futon waking up the younger bro. Thx
what happent to me at work
by
Gstringxx
Gstringxx
Yep, it's not very believable. At the beginning the story is very redundant and could use a thorough editing. Nice idea for a story, but try to be more realistic with the events. I'm totally satisfied at home and I masturbate all the time!