Fyre
Member Since October 19, 2009
The Making of a Slut - Chapter THree
by
hawthorne
5071 days ago
Fyre
5542 days ago
hawthorne
5071 days ago
Fyre
5542 days ago
-
7
+
I will go read your previous stories. This one is pretty brutal, but you carry it off. You have some clever ideas and I think the next will be even more devious.
Meeting Ian
by
Gerber_baby
Gerber_baby
I liked your story, but I think you could develop it more. What did he say to make you so wet on the phone? Descriptions could be better. What I liked about it was that it was so sweet and innocent. What kinds of experience has your 16 y.o. had? I'd
Hot time playing with myself...in port at a hotel
by
Lavendar2001
Lavendar2001
Can't believe it's true. No matter what. Your story is too rushed. I could enjoy your ideas if you would develop them and tell a story, not just a laundry list of things to shove inside your ass.
my erotic lesson
by
rianiTF
rianiTF
I thought it was very well-written even though totally unrealistic. I enjoyed it.
First Time On Kim's Farm
by
[Atomic.Moose]
[Atomic.Moose]
What I loved about your story was the opening scene with the glistening dildos all over the floor. I think you could do a better job developing your ideas. They are wicked hot, but I like my stories in more of a context. Nonetheless! It's your story!
Small Town Girl
by
MUFFDUFF
MUFFDUFF
You have a nice story here. I think you need to proofread it better, you have "carbage" and "scree." One thing that could have been explained is HOW did she go from so anti-social to the chatterbox who tells every detail of her life?
Need to Tell Someone
by
jkwon
jkwon
Hon, your story is fine, but you do need help with grammar and spelling. The idea is hot. I like the boy sneaking around catching snatches of the action. Sexy!
Daddy
by
subher
subher
I rated you high because this is fairly well written. I find it demoralizing and degrading, which is what you intended. So it is an effective story, but I didn't like any of it, wouldn't want it to happen, wouldn't like to see any of it, it would be lik
Dog's Bitch in Heat, Part II
by
Rodger-the-Dodger
Rodger-the-Dodger
Rodger, I think you write interesting stories. I find them a little undeveloped, but then I don't know how much time you have to work on this stuff. Ppl, these stories get THOUSANDS of hits, so if everyone is agreeing with these other critics, I don't t
Dog's Bitch and her Neighbor
by
Rodger-the-Dodger
Rodger-the-Dodger
Adding a new character (likeable) is a big improvement. I like the dialogue and you've spent more time developing the setting and the situation. Big improvement, IMO.
Schoolgirl Slut
by
jeffo822
jeffo822
Jeff, the idea of this is obviously popular, but you need to improve your writing style. You have a lot of spelling errors and your paragraphs are too long to be easy to read. Your slutty girl is obviously what people want to read about. Hope to see mo
Katie gets invited to a farm
by
kree8tyve1
kree8tyve1
I loved the story, and wish you set it up for there to be further adventures. I am very wet right now!
Bandit's knot for me.
by
knotter
knotter
Your story is imaginative, has a good flow to it, and is well written! Thanks. It's one of the best I've seen on this site.