seyren_windsor
Member Since October 19, 2009
Roleplaying Babysitter
by
Couple_Surrey
5071 days ago
seyren_windsor
5543 days ago
Couple_Surrey
5071 days ago
seyren_windsor
5543 days ago
-
1
+
best responses ever for a story...
christmas night out part2
by
scotslass
scotslass
This needs alot of work, you need quotations, commas, periods, more description, you need to pace things, its like hearing someoen on crack and speed rambling on and on about something.
At camp chapter 3
by
silvermare
silvermare
The lack of description for this story is staggering, and makes it such a waste to read. put more detail in what happens, who does what, for how long, how it feels, what emotions are running through her, and such.
A Hungry And Horny Wolf
by
Wormmel
Wormmel
an interesting and novel topic, but you need to increase the length, and add descriptive text to it.
dont say: "I fucked her hard and fast"
Say: "Increasing my speed, I rammed into the hot cunt over and over, the tightness was mindblowing"
dont say: "I fucked her hard and fast"
Say: "Increasing my speed, I rammed into the hot cunt over and over, the tightness was mindblowing"
Sarah's Present for her brother (Part 3)
by
Carolina3777
Carolina3777
Good work here, though it was too brief, and needs a little more detail.
I Love My Job
by
petookh
petookh
Need to space the paragraphs, its hard to even look at, let alone read, and go over your punctuation man