darklight67
Member Since October 19, 2009
The Bad Seed, The Beginning
by
RogueLover
5079 days ago
darklight67
5551 days ago
RogueLover
5079 days ago
darklight67
5551 days ago
-
2
+
Choppy. No Jumps from scene to scene, no developement. Good premise, but badly written.
Courtney Part One
by
ornithopter
ornithopter
Good start, scetchy and no action. but no action. Tell more about the girls' building excitement.
The Deal
by
ROG65
ROG65
Little too matter of fact and emotionless. No fear, no reservations, no desperation.
Friends Little Sister
by
sum1_not_cool
sum1_not_cool
Do 4 paragraphs even count as a story? How old is the girl? What does she look like? Why are you at your friend's house? How do you know they are not up yet? etc...
Dog's Bitch in Heat, Part II
by
Rodger-the-Dodger
Rodger-the-Dodger
Come on people. I've read a lot worse than this on here. As for the length, if that's the story then thats the story. Needs more dialog.