compzombie's Avatar
compzombie Member Since March 14, 2011
Irresistable urges. by scottieknowsall 5032 days ago
compzombie 5032 days ago
- 0 + The idea is good, but there is no character development. Talk more about your primary character, maybe give him more time to explain more about how he got into the situation he did. What exactly is it that makes him dominant? How did his family become aware of his dominance? Second, and probably most importantly, this story should be made into smaller paragraphs because it's very hard to read at the moment. Also, your sentences are either too long or too choppy which can ruin the mood. Again, nice idea for a story, however it needs more work.