
cmbench
Member Since October 19, 2009
Swimming Time With Sister
by
aabbdd112233
5175 days ago
cmbench
5647 days ago


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10
+
Best ending ever on this site!
My sister
Aaaaaaa! You were doing great until you got to the pool part, at which point it seemed like you were in a rush to finish the story.
Revise and extend it, starting with the pool part, then re-submit it.
Revise and extend it, starting with the pool part, then re-submit it.
My Girlfriend's Mom
Well done. Not groundbreaking, yet still, an attention grabbing story.