citrusmirakel
Member Since October 19, 2009
Extra Work
by
jackal2787
5101 days ago
citrusmirakel
5573 days ago
jackal2787
5101 days ago
citrusmirakel
5573 days ago
-
6
+
This is a competant story, but it's overwhelmingly marred by grammatical mistakes and complete lack of paragraph structure. Some editing could really fix this story.
First Time with some friends
by
Bartimaeus
Bartimaeus
It seems you just got too excited when you were writing this. It starts out commonly enough, then just goes insane - a dare of "rub her tits" followed by "gigantic orgy". Plus, you've got a strap-on (not something the average 15 year old has on hand) magi
Angel's Overdue Cherry
by
LoveTaker
LoveTaker
First of all, I can't overemphasize the need for paragraph structure. The story is made up of one large paragraph, making it almost impossible to read, and coupled with excessive punctuation (one exclamation point is usually too much, three is simply ridi