Seductress1969
Member Since October 19, 2009
Girl Next Door
by
Jim Moore
5070 days ago
Seductress1969
5542 days ago
Jim Moore
5070 days ago
Seductress1969
5542 days ago
-
0
+
story was too rushed and there was no build up. You need to edit your grammar and wording better.
Leslie My Daughter
by
Opiated_Mass
Opiated_Mass
This was like reading snips of every other story written in this subject. It was rushed, and not well developed.
My lovely neighbour
by
davidj
davidj
This has potential, but you have to build up the characters. Give the readers a bit of a mental picture---that's the draw in, the fantasy. The more descriptive wording will bring the characters to life and help move the story along, making it a more power
A giving neighbor
by
Opiated_Mass
Opiated_Mass
You lay a foundation, but your rush the story. There is little substance here. You get from point A to point B in a blink. Try developing the story so it flows and becomes cohesive.
Kelsey and Jamantha prt2: the Morning After
by
Ch0c0lat3G1rl
Ch0c0lat3G1rl
There is no flow to this story, and zero build up---very rushed. Also, learn to use paragraphs, spellcheck, and improve your use of grammar so that the story reads like it was written by an adult.
On a mission ch 1
by
shifted halo
shifted halo
If the font you chose wasn't bad enough, you then went and wrote a rushed story. Oh, the grammar was also horrible.
My affections for daughter Karla, and her love for Daddy!
by
unclejoe8008
unclejoe8008
This was way rushed, and had no realistic flow or build-up. Your editing was terrible, and because of that it made it difficult to read.
Peepin to watch my uncle materbate!
by
dmills0031
dmills0031
There just might be a slight story hidden within this. However, with so many spelling and grammatical errors it really does make it difficult to get to the substance of the story. The plot is there, the setting is there, the characters, though not really
How i wear my cuzin clothes
by
neilmehta
neilmehta
This was so poorly written that it made it difficult to read. Fix the grammar, fix the format (hint: use paragraphs). You have a story in there, you just need to clean it up so it can be found.
Family on Video
by
SonLover
SonLover
This isn't a story. The grammar is awful, and it reads like rushed text.
Sex with my Dad part 2- True Story
by
jkwon
jkwon
Spend a little time editing your English. Your story was way too rushed.
First Encounter
by
rodheryn
rodheryn
This story was very rushed, and little time was spent building the characters or the moment.
My Granddaghter and her teen friend
by
Camilo
Camilo
The story plot felt rushed--there was no build up with respect to the characters.
Good Young Girl Gets Cocked!
by
nuby2
nuby2
When you don't bother to think about grammar and structure, it can take a potentially good plot and destroy it. It really makes it difficult to read.
Daddy's baby girl
by
2sxy
2sxy
You took very little time to develop your characters or plot for that matter. It was rushed from start to finish. You didn't build any erotic moment or sexual moment in this story. Total waste of a read.
First Time w/ Daughter 2
by
bjack
bjack
You need to spend a little more time being descriptive with the events as you unfold them. Otherwise, it becomes too rushed. The storyline is good, but needs to have more build up and description.
First time w/ Daughter
by
bjack
bjack
You need to work on building the characters and the story. It was rather rushed and there was very little attention to grammar and detail.
Fantasies
by
oldbondsie
oldbondsie
This could be a pretty good story without all the spelling and grammar mistakes. There are no paragraph breaks and overall this makes the story difficult to get into and read. Please edit your story.