Ravenshade
Member Since October 19, 2009
A Great Vacation
by
Dyechamp
5070 days ago
Ravenshade
5542 days ago
Dyechamp
5070 days ago
Ravenshade
5542 days ago
-
7
+
Except it's pretty fast pace, there's no need for a second chapter at all. If anything would have made this story better would be if the time line wasn't so short, you could probably increase the length of the story by adding in a few more days. I dunno i
2 Weeks with my cum luving sister
by
XAshleyX
XAshleyX
Don't paragraph so much...it makes it harder to read than un paragraphed.
Wolf's First Time
by
Nemus_of_Scienta187
Nemus_of_Scienta187
I'd like to see another section to this, this was extrodinary.
The Supply Closet PLEASE RATE
by
Fuckinbiatch01
Fuckinbiatch01
Cut that chapter a tad short didn't you? Ah never mind...good things cum to those who wait....heh
Steve's Alien Abduction
by
LightFang
LightFang
It isn't just very nice, it is awesome. I would really like to see the second part. It isn't exactly perfect as such as it seems to be a little...erm....short in the sentences. Well that's a preference of mine. I see that you're still working on style and
I need a favor
by
Sphenix
Sphenix
a little longer and perhaps a little more tension...it seemed like it was a rushed scene, from Jamie suggesting something, to turning into a slut who had it all planned out...just the jump is a little unrealistic in such short amount of time.
The Lunch Date
by
JackntheBox
JackntheBox
Great story, I dunno how to improve it...probably more back ground or detail on the characters...hm I dunno
One Year at a Time
by
jessicablank
jessicablank
Very very good, the story is wiritten as though it is flowing through a thick stream, probably the confusion in Cindy's head. It is almost like poetry, flowing and flowing, sentance into sentance.
This story is very good, and perhaps one of the best I
This story is very good, and perhaps one of the best I
me n my cousin
by
jayfrommbro
jayfrommbro
I'm gonna give this a three...not because of story content, becaust that's shit.
No if's or buts about it, it's shit.
So why am i giving it a 3, because it inspired me to make a good story from a crap story.
You'll see a pattern in the title w
No if's or buts about it, it's shit.
So why am i giving it a 3, because it inspired me to make a good story from a crap story.
You'll see a pattern in the title w
Throwaway Child: A Love Story
by
hillarysmuff
hillarysmuff
I haven't read many which are much better than this, it is very good. Though you might just wanna beef it up some more, you know just make it longer. Great story though
My best friend Amy pt.2
by
brentoes
brentoes
I have read both, yes you could improve a little, but not much, probably just detail, lengthening the story, but i found nothing wrong with it....perhaps a little too fast in the second chapter with the penetration, i was enjoying the teasing bit.
Me and My Niece (chapter 1)
by
Ravenshade
Ravenshade
Well written, well paragraphed, we've seen better, but you could do a lot worse.
Well done!
Well done!
Gang Rave
by
SunsetBarM
SunsetBarM
One word: Wow... you are a talented writer, it never gets boring, the tension is always there. This is one of the best pieces of fiction I have ever read.