ed the last night. She also seemed to be trying to understand the math. She had trouble with the math but it wasn’t from her disinterest; it seemed that she was just slow to taking in new concepts. But she sure did love new concepts. Even if she didn’t understand what the teacher was fully saying in the front of the class, the way she looked, I knew she could understand the potential that knowledge had. She would be a true genius if her brain just clicked things together a bit quicker.

I stood in the lunch line alone that day as I had always done previously. I wished Montana didn’t pack her lunch every day. For the first third of the lunch period, we were separated because of that.

Sitting down at the table in the corner against the wall Montana had found us, I immediately heard her question me about how it went the last night.

“I screwed everything up. He’s so confused about how he feels about me and I just told him to stop it. I basically yelled at him. It’s never going to happen now.”

Montana looked saddened. I always felt that she actually did want to be first with him, in her wildest dreams, but my confessions seemed to have made her forget about herself for a moment.

“You have to do it to him,” she said firmly. “It’s like those older guys that can’t propose to their girlfriends because they’re scared. You have to push him and force him. You know him best and if you think that after what’s done is done, he’ll like it, then do it. Just like he did to you. You were scared so much you said when you were on his bed naked below him but he knew that you would like it in the end. You have to do the same to him. That’s why he said he trusted you.”

I didn’t think Ean really knew that I would like it when he masturbated on me. It was like he forced himself into the zone and did what needed to be done and asked for forgiveness afterwards when he came out. He saw only two outcomes from what he did. I would love him or I would hate him. But to him, either outcome would be a blessing. At least then, he would know where things stood.

Montana was right though. Only two outcomes would come from me forcing sex on him. One bad, one good. I didn’t want to think about the bad one, but at least then, I wouldn’t be stuck in limbo.

“One problem though,” I started. And it was a big problem I had hoped my brother would take care of. But if I was taking charge, then I should have the answer.

“What?”

“When he, if I can get him to, you know, cum inside me, I could get pregnant.”

“Hmmm, I never really took that seriously when I fantasized about him.”

“Hey, that’s my brother.”

“You can’t stop me from thinking about him. Also, doesn’t it make it better knowing that your man is sought after by other girls?” She had a valid point. “Make him wear a condom I guess.”

“What if he doesn’t have any? Besides, I don’t want something covering that thing up, I want just that thing inside me and, I, you know, I want to feel the liquid inside me.”

“I love your attitude,” she smiled. I blushed. “You can start taking the pill. Birth control. I take it.”

“Why do you take it?”

“To regulate my period. Ask your mom. Say that you’re getting really annoyed about your period and you want to do something about it.”

“But if I’m going to do this thing, it has to be tonight. My mom’s coming home tomorrow and we can’t sleep together anymore. Also, I just have to get this over with, it’s killing me.”

“When was the last time you had your period?”

“A week ago,” I rounded down to. Montana cringed a little as I said that.

“Don’t worry about it. It will just be once and then you get the pill. How many pregnant girls do you see in this school? Lots of them have sex.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

The bell rang ending lunch. I had eaten about half the food I planned on eating. I was at least getting a little better with eating and talking at the same time. I usually never had anybody to talk to during meals at school.

I guessed right when I left the school building at the end of the school day. I would be walking home that day. I wished Montana could at least walk with me. Twenty lonely minutes in thought. Unfortunately, she had to rush to the middle school to pick up her sister and walk home with her. I guess though it was pretty fortunate too. If she walked home with me, she would walk straight into my house and start flirting with Ean. I refused to think about how Ean would react to that.

I arrived home and immediately began my homework. At least it would kill some time. Montana called pretty soon after asking for help on her math homework. I liked that. It took an hour of explaining for her to finish the worksheet I finished in fifteen minutes. After that, our conversation faded off into meaningless rambling.

By the time I hung up and went out for dinner, a plate of food was already alone on the table. Had Ean called me to dinner and I just not heard him or did he just not call? Both were very bad things.

I ate and cleaned up my dishes. I went to Ean’s room to check on him. I opened his door and looked into the dark room. He was already in bed. I walked in leaving the door ajar a bit to let some light in. I didn’t know why he was going to sleep this early but he certainly wasn’t going to keep me from sleeping with him.

I started undressing right there. Off with my shoes, my socks. Down with my pants. Goodbye shirt. Good riddance stupid training bra. I wasn’t a little girl anymore. It was getting too tight. I was in my panties then. I didn’t need my nightgown. Pulling the covers back from the mattress, I crawled into bed with my brother.

It was amazing. The silky sheet rubbing against my bare body felt so good. I scooted closer and closer to Ean. Pressing my body into his, I wrapped my arms over him. Stupid boy, I could tell he was only pretending to be asleep. He jerked ever so lightly as I could only imagine he realized I wasn’t wearing a nightgown.

His body faced away from mine. I was almost spooning him but it was hard with his big frame. If he was going to pretend to be asleep, then I could have some fun. I ran my fingers gently down his shirt to the bottom rim, where I tucked my hand under the fabric and pulled back up. He skin was amazing.

My belly was flat and tender, his was groovy and hard. He was so warm. I rested my palm on his chest, his nipple. He still faked sleep. Under the covers, I pulled up my entire body onto his. The mound between my legs pressed into his hip, my naked nipples slid over his arm. I shifted more and more of my body weight onto his front-side until he fell onto his back. My panties scooted onto his hard penis below his boxers. I pushed up and supported all my weight onto my knees.

I tried lifting the shirt from him but he stopped faking his sleep and pulled his arm up to a reading lamp next to his bed. It flicked on. A lamp had never been there before. He must have actually been starting to unpack his college stuff. A very good sign for me.

“Maeghan,” he said looking up to me.

“What?” I asked a little too angrily.

“What happens after this? I trust you; I really do, but, what next?”

“Just trust me. Just trust that I know something that you don’t. I’ve always done that for you. Do that for me now.” I didn’t know a thing but I did know that I wanted this more than anything. I had never felt more confident in myself that I was doing the right thing. Besides, Ean told me to do this. He told me to do what I had to do. If anything went wrong, he said he would protect me. In a way, all his trust in me was being put onto all my trust in him. Neither of us really knew what we were doing. This had better have been the right thing to do.

“You’re a virgin; it’ll hurt,” he said. I winced in shame and embarrassment.

“Well, I, I, um…”

“Who –“ His face immediately contorted into anger.

“My hairbrush. The one dad gave me.” Ean’s face shifted into a smile as he peered down to my panties.

“Beaten to it by a hairbrush.”

“I was thinking about you though. That was when I realized I like you so much. It was the first time I thought about, well, doing this, with you.” I pushed at his shirt again. This time he lifted both his arms up and let me peal it from his body. The warm light from the reading lamp mixing with the creeping light through his bedroom door made his body look golden and smooth.

I was about to see my brother completely naked for the first time; absolutely no clothes on. I was about to be completely naked too, on top of his completely naked body. The covers over my back flew behind me with my arms. Nothing was going to obstruct my view of this.

I wanted to be naked first. I wanted to be buck naked when I pulled the last piece of clothing from my brother. My panties slid down my legs under my thumbs. I rolled away real quick and nearly kicked them across the room. Ean didn’t try to move though. He just stared at me. He absorbed me. I felt almost childish for being so excited as he watched so calmly but I didn’t care. He was lying on the bed motionless with a gigantic boner. He was my new toy.

In no time, I had his boxers off and was standing on my knees to the side of him. This time I would stare at his naked body. Wow! He looked amazing. I wondered if I looked that good to him when he stared at me naked. I hoped so.

Ok, enough staring. I would do more later. It was sex time. I climbed back over him. I couldn’t wipe the giant grin off my face for anything. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I had to make sure just one more thing though.

“Are you a virgin too?” I asked him.

“Yes. I wanted to wait so it was the most special person in the world that would take me first. Watching you, I, I, I’m sorry we didn’t do this sooner. I love you so much. I love you Maeghan.”

After those last four words, I through caution away and grabbed the giant pipe below me and pressed it into my soft, small crack. I didn’t want this to be a slow entry anymore. I didn’t want to savor every second of him slowly moving into me. He said he loved me. It was literally my dream come true. I wanted him inside me that very second.

I dropped my entire body weight onto his organ and regretted it all the second I did. I had never remembered so much pain in my life. Every organ in my body tensed and screamed from the sudden invasion. My muscles seized at the unexpected intrusion. The more pain I was in, the more my muscles clamped down. The more my muscles clamped down, the more incredibly painful it was to fit such a massive object into my small body. And through it all, I swear I felt something inside my vagina rip apart. Literally, rip open.

It was the feeling of burning and stinging from something not mine seeping into an open wound. Was I really that small? Was I really that tiny? What had Ean really meant when he said I was only fourteen? Was my fourteen year old body really not built to handle him?

I could only imagine the worst. My overly tiny vaginal tube, my pampered and soft tunnel, a giant gash inside it like an abused teddy bear. Cotton leaking out. My insides being held in only by the pressure of my brother’s penis holding them back. I could feel it all.

Ean was holding me tight on his chest; squeezing me. Kissing the top of my head.

He would have to take me to the hospital. My organs would want to fall out of my vagina. I would have to hold them in. My brother ripped me open when we were having sex. Everyone in the emergency room would stare at us. What if he didn’t take it out of me? What if he thought he should leave it in for safety? He would walk into the hospital with me impaled on his penis. ‘My little sister needs help, her vagina is split open. We were having sex.’

I wanted to die. The pain was so much. Burning, stinging, soreness, cramping. So much pain. I could feel wetness leaking from my hole. I knew it wasn’t my special wetness. It had to be blood. My blood. I broke myself. I would never be able to have sex again. Why didn’t I listen to Ean? I was just fourteen.

“Ean,” I cried into his neck. “I’m open, I can feel it, I ripped my vagina open. I need to go to the hospital.”

“It’s ok, everything is ok,” he consoled me. “You went way to fast. You didn’t even have yourself wet first. You were running dry.”

“I can feel the pain and blood. It stings. Like if you poke inside a cut. It’s broken open inside me. I need to get it sowed shut.” Ean chuckled very softly.

“It’s ok. I’m just bigger than your hairbrush, that’s all.”

“I don’t understand,” I cried. I wanted him to tell me what was happening. He was so calm. I was going insane with my explanations on what was happening. He was older than me, lots smarter.

“You’re hymen; it’s a ring of skin inside you. You must have just broke or sliced a little tear in it before. Now, well, now you ripped the whole thing apart. You’re feeling me resting against that open tissue. And you’re probably pretty sore from not being wet. And seriously, you weigh a lot because I didn’t think my penis could fly through something that small that quickly. I’m a bit sore too.”

I tried cracking a smile to that but it was all way to painful.

“Are we still going to have sex?” I trembled.

“Not tonight, you won’t like it at all. It will hurt too much. Let’s just fall asleep for now. But we will have sex. I promise you that.”

I smiled faintly to that. My entire body was shaking. Between the pain and fear, I didn’t have room for the embarrassment I had just thrown myself into. I was sore as hell. The stinging pain from my open wound was dying down. But the burning was still there to accompany the soreness.

Blatantly enough after what my body had just went though, I was just worn out. I remembered falling asleep on top of Ean. It was the first time I fell asleep before he did. I just remember the soothing feeling in my pelvis of that giant intrusion slowly retreating. Slowly shrinking inside of me. Ean wasn’t moving at all, but his penis deep in me slowly lurched out. As it deflated, so did my mind. And I fell into the great luxury of painless sleep.

I woke up in my bed; in my bedroom. Something warm and wet was smothering my vagina. I looked down to Ean. He had a wash cloth wiping me between my legs. I noticed some new red stains on it. He looked at me then pulled up the wash cloth and tossed it over to my laundry basket. We were both still naked.

“Why are we here?” I asked a little scared.

“Do you still want to have sex?”

“Stop asking me that. If you want to have sex with me, just do it. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to say it like that. Are we going to have sex now?” He looked like he wanted to ask me another question, but then he seemed to hit a revelation.

“Yes.” He pulled out a strange small square from behind him. It had the indentation of a ring in it.

“Let me see that.” Ean passed it over to me. I checked the writing on it. I was right. It was a condom. I threw it across my room. “All or nothing,” I said.

“But you could get –“

“I’m on the pill,” I splurged. He looked at me curiously.

“You are?”

“Yes, to regulate my period. But it also makes it so I don’t get pregnant.” Ean seemed satisfied with my answer. I just had to get mom to get me on the pill, and soon. “Now do me. And why are we in my bedroom?”

“I just thought, maybe, that you would feel more comfortable. Also, kinda, it feels, mmm, I don’t know, it was for you.” He was so cute like that. That little pervert. Wanting to have sex with his little fourteen year old sister in her little fourteen year old bedroom.

My bed wasn’t really big enough to hold both of us side by side like his could, but it didn’t matter because I had no plans to be side by side with him in my bed. I didn’t think he did either.

“Well, get on top of me big brother, I need to learn how this thing works. They didn’t go into the details in middle school last year.” Ean started climbing on top of me.

“You don’t have to rub it in you know.”

“Why, I’m fourteen and I’m in love with my nineteen year old brother. I want to lick his body clean in my dreams and wake up to him cumming inside of me.”

“It’s different for me to like you though.”

“Shut up and do me. The fact that you like me for these added reasons just turns me on even more. Your little sister got all scared and couldn’t have sex right last night; you better show me how it’s really done. I don’t want to hurt myself again. Pwease big bwuver.” His hanging penis was teasing the slit of my vagina.

“Geez, I don’t want a toddler,” he remarked to my satirically young impression. I figured I should hold up a bit on the young thing. I didn’t want to accidently put images of me in his mind that would make him feel guilty.

I reached up and took a hold of his neck, dragging it down to me. Slowly as his face lowered to mine, his organ sunk into me. I was much wetter than last night, and his slow movement was much more inviting to my body.

In jerking motions, my pelvis’s muscles pumped open for him. Like a ball rolling slowly down the stairs or chambers opening one by one in a tunnel, my body cautiously let him inside me. It was the first thing it ever willingly let deep into my body. My hips were almost bucking at him from the jolting muscles. I wasn’t humping him, just gently easing him in one bump at a time.

Ean’s lips pressed into mine. It was heaven. Then I felt his pubic hair pressed hard onto my mound. He stopped. He was all the way inside me. I was so full. Wow! He was big or I was small. Whatever way it was, just wow. Without all the pain of last night, the massive intruder in my body felt amazing. Wow!

It was hard to keep kissing with the giant smile on my face. Ean was nibbling at my bottom lip. His hands were roaming free over my little breasts. It was all really strange though. I felt like I should be seconds away from the most amazing orgasm of my life, but I wasn’t. My mind was somewhere else, drawing from some other amazing pleasure. All the stimulation on and in my body was being diverted from that most amazing orgasm and into something else.

Ean started pulling back out. I was having sex. I was having sex for the first time in my life. I loved it. It was beyond anything I could have had ever imagined. No dream could ever compare to it.

I could feel him almost about to leave me completely. A sudden bulge pulled my open lips apart. It had to be his head. That giant purple mushroom. Then he pushed back in. I couldn’t help but release a moan. Ean pulled his teeth up with my bottom lip still in them and then let it loose. He dropped his lips back down and pushed his tongue into me.

His fingers and thumbs were rolling my rock hard nipples between them. I could feel my orgasm impending, slowly building, but it wasn’t as fast as I thought it would be. All that extra stuff, all the super amazingness of it all, almost everything of it was going somewhere else. I could feel it and it felt so amazingly wonderful. It wasn’t that great tingly feeling all over my body. I sure as hell did have that but almost all the pleasure I was getting from him was building up deep inside my tummy. My mind too it felt like. I felt so incredibly full everywhere.

Ean’s tongue felt so amazing. I tried every technique with my own tongue to match him but nothing worked. Eventually I just started licking his tongue. It was from him and it was in my mouth. I wanted to taste every bit of it.

My nipples were being squeezed harder and harder in his fingers. They were little pebbles, small rocks in his grip and he fought to crush them. I let off no sign of pain. It was the most pleasurable thing I had ever felt, ever. Well, beside that massive penis of his, slowly pumping in and out of me. I was so close to orgasm. Even with next to all the joy I received from it all, all of that gone somewhere else, he still drove me to the top.

I pulled my head back, pressing it as hard as I could into the pillow. Ean’s tongue rolled from my teeth.

“Cum in me. Hurry if you can, I’m going to explode soon.” I was breathless. I barely could finish what I said. Ean was smiling so big at me. He looked happier than I had ever seen him before. His slow pumps into my body began speeding up. The muscles in my neck gave and my head rose back up in the fluff of my pillow.

Ean went back to biting my bottom lip. His thrusts kept increasing in speed. Then he stopped rolling my nipples between his fingers. His thumbs just pushed them into my body, into my breasts. I watched his eyes retreat into the back of his head. His teeth let go of my lips. I was thankful for that. I was scared that he might bite a bit too hard when he started going off.

He was out of it. He kept thrusting into me but that’s all he did. I didn’t know if I would feel his cum inside me or not but so far I didn’t. It was like his mind was taking in every single detail about the entire situation before he would go off. And then it happened.

Bam! His pelvis slammed into my mound and he stopped. Boom! Oh my goodness. Searing liquid poured into me. I could feel it all. All of a sudden, I could feel an amazing heat deep inside me. It kept growing and growing as I could only imagine he kept shooting into me.

“I love you so much Maeghan. I love you so much. Thank you.” I didn’t know how he managed to talk. His eyes were still gone into nowhere. His voice trembled as if he was, well, in the middle of the most amazing orgasm of his life. There was no way he could possibly be thinking. What he said had to be the most deep rooted thoughts in his mind, something so primal that even in a state of unconsciousness, he could speak clearly. He loved me.

And that was it for me. All that most amazing pleasure that was siphoned away from me, all that fullness deep in my gut, all over my mind, every single drop of it exploded from me. What happened to my body, what I felt, it was indescribable. I have never ever in my life heard of any words that could ever come close to describing even the bare outline of what I felt right then. And then I was out. I left my body. I went into the most deep amazing sleep I would ever remember.

e.l. hanes

All relevant feedback on this or any of my stories is greatly appreciated at hanes_el@yahoo.com.  Thank you all for the continued support so far that keeps me posting.

living the greatest story I ever set my eyes on. There was nothing to kill the time. I smiled a lot Saturday. I mean I smiled a lot. I was so happy. I tried smiling to Ean but he always returned half-confused smiles and went on. I brought on a few short conversations with him but nothing about the day before. I was getting a little scared about us by nighttime. I nervously asked him if he wanted me to sleep in his room. He said I could if I wanted to. I wanted so badly to hear him say yes but at least he didn’t say no. I wasn’t about to say no to him. I fell asleep in his warm, firm arms.

Sunday at breakfast I had a terrible revelation. He had said that he would trust me in this relationship. Was he waiting for me to make a move? Did he want me to take control of him? I would never be able to give him orders to undress in front of me. I could never do what he did to me. I’m not saying he did anything wrong, he did everything right, but he was Ean, I was me.

What if he was just planning his next move? If I stepped up and asked for him to have sex with me, would he back away? Was he ready for sex? He had planned it for so long and just like that, pop, his girlfriend was dead and he was all alone. If I took charge and he still wanted control, would he talk me down back into my place? Was he waiting for me or planning his next move? I wanted to go back to school. I wanted to talk to Montana. She knew stories about Ean. She knew intimate details about his relationship with her sister.

Mom called. She was coming home on Wednesday. The trial was coming to a close soon. Mom said though her boss was talking about an upcoming Supreme Court case with her as he read through her notes. She thought this trial was just a test to see how she would fare; it was the first court case she ever had to cover and did think it was a bit out of the blue. If she did her job well enough, she might get a trip to Washington D.C. She seemed worried about me on the phone until I told her that Ean was doing better than ever. He was still reserved but he talked to me and smiled a lot more. I was helping him a lot. Luckily she was on the phone and couldn’t see the giant grin on my face when I said that.

Sunday night I wore the thinnest, silkiest panties I had. I asked Ean if he wanted me to sleep with him.

“If you want to?” he replied. I hated that. He knew I liked him. He knew I wanted everything with him. Hadn’t I proven that earlier? Why was he still treating me like I had doubts? Why was he giving me every option to back away from everything? I never would. Didn’t he know that?

I climbed under the covers with him after I turned his light off and hugged him extra tight. I didn’t let go either. I hugged him for as long as I could. I wanted to see what he would do. He did nothing. He just hugged me back until he fell asleep, then I did too.

Monday morning I took a shower before school. Ean was going to drive me. He had woken up before me and left the bed without me knowing.

I turned the shower water off and opened the glass door to get my towel. The bathroom door opened. I immediately gasped. It had to be Ean but I still had never had someone walk in on me in the shower. Sure enough, Ean walked into view. I pulled the towel over my body to cover up.

He pushed the toothpaste tube and a cup from the sink’s countertop, across from the shower, back to the wall and backed into it to sit down. He settled himself down and just stared at me.

I was naked behind my towel. Soaking wet, and I would have to move and touch myself in easily imaginable provocative ways to dry off. I could close the glass shower door and dry off behind the fogged, distorted barrier but I just couldn’t. Ean was staring at me. I was so embarrassed behind my towel. I was just a meek little girl. Why was he doing this to me?

He wouldn’t stop looking at me. I knew he would sit there all day. Closing the shower door on him would make me wish death on myself. I knew he would shun me for it. I would just feel more awkward behind the glass. I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eyes when I opened it again.

I slowly dropped the towel. My tiny breasts came into his sight. More and more until the tiniest patch of fuzz was revealed between my legs. I looked at him to see if he showed any emotion to my actions. As expected, he didn’t.

I tried my best to ignore his existence and dry myself off normally. It was the most embarrassing thing. I had to lift my arms to dry under them. They were great poses for my little breasts to humiliate themselves. Drying my back was the worst. I had to run the towel between my butt crack to dry that too.

I got to my first knee when for some strange reason, I started to smile. I was beyond embarrassed splaying myself out like that but I couldn’t help but smile. Ean was watching me. Why would he watch if he didn’t like it? He wasn’t talking to me. He wasn’t probing my mind. He didn’t just like me because we got along so well. No. He was watching my body. He wanted to see my body. How could I not smile to that? My brother was lusting after my body. Wow! What a way to start off the week.

I was so happy. I felt like a little girl getting a kiss from the hottest movie actor I could have ever dreamed just to see in the distance beyond a crowd of thousands of people. I felt hot. More confident than ever. The most perfect guy in the world wanted my body.

I threw the towel over the shower door and stepped out. I walked to the toilet seat lid where my clothes sat. Ean’s eyes followed. I picked up my tiny little pair of panties. They looked so small before I put them on. Fresh from my dresser after a fluff dry.

I leaned forward and lifted my leg to slip it through the little hole. Ean was watching me. I looked back at him. Not to his face that time. I knew his face showed no emotion. I looked to his pants. That place, I found to show a massive amount of emotion the other day. I found it again. What I never really noticed before was now impossible not to notice. He had the biggest bulge between his legs. I couldn’t stop smiling.

I finished dressing. I didn’t even bother getting a bowl of cereal. I knew I couldn’t eat it. I wasn’t hungry after an event like that. Ean followed me around as if he was lost. I had the biggest smile on my face and I couldn’t wait to get away from him. I couldn’t look at him. My face blushed deep deep red if I looked at him. I could feel the blood in excess there.

Somehow Ean’s emotionless face made it almost funny. He could be thinking anything. We could have just done the dirtiest thing in the world, and if he walked out in front of our grandparents, they wouldn’t have a clue. I felt so safe with him. Like I was allowed to show what I was feeling at the time and he would protect me from what the world might throw at me because of it. I was his little sister.

Finally it was time to leave. My body was shaking in excitement. I couldn’t wait until second period. I had to talk to Montana. I didn’t know what I would say; I couldn’t tell her the truth, but I had to tell her something. I couldn’t hold all this joy in. I was going to explode. I was so jittery on the drive to school.

Ean pulled up and stopped in the road before the high school. I opened the door and got out.

“Bye!” I said to him the happiest, most excited voice. I closed the door and quickly walked away. I thought about how I should have said, ‘I love you,’ to him as well but I thought the shriek in my voice showed him how happy I was.

First period flew by as I paid no attention to the class whatsoever. Second period came and as soon as Montana saw my face, she rushed over and asked me what happened.

“I have the most amazing brother in the world.” I replied and quietly as I could.

“What, did he buy you something really cool?”

“No, but I can see why your sister liked him so much.” I was shaking then. I didn’t know if it was from excitement or fear. Had I just said too much? Montana just stared at me in disbelief.

“Did you two have, you know?”

“No,” I whispered loudly. “Your sister never did either.”

“Did he touch you?”

“No, well yes, once only and that was an accident a while ago. But he, I, I just love him.”

The bell rang to start class. Montana stared at my over excited face with the most curious gaze. The teacher apparently noticed the tension between us on what could be a very long conversation.

“Girls, I trust it can wait until after class.” I shot my head over to a serious adult’s face. I tried my best to calm down for the few seconds she stared between us. She looked happy enough at our new attention to her and turned away.

“Lunch time,” Montana whispered to me. “You better be there early.”

Math seemed to drone on. With Montana sitting next to me, it was hard to reflect on Ean. She appeared deep in thought. She appeared to almost guess at least to the degree of what might have happened between me and my brother, if not the actual thing. She looked happy though. Even though I thought she knew that when I said I loved him that I meant a bit more than in a family way, she seemed to have accepted it. If she could accept it and maybe help me, she would be the most amazing friend. I didn’t think I could handle her shunning me for liking Ean. I really wanted a girl friend. I never had one before and having one now that would accept something like that would be beyond amazing.

The next thing I remembered was walking into the cafeteria. My mind was so far in on itself. Then I was walking from the cashier with my tray. I was broken from my zone to Montana waving me to her table. She was alone against the wall in a corner. She had already eaten her packed lunch.

“You can’t hog him to yourself you know,” she said as I sat down. “He’s in college and you’re just a freshman in high school.”

“What?” I played innocently.

“Hmm, let’s see,” she started sarcastically, “what could make a freshman girl glow like she just discovered her first orgasm. And then tell me that she loved a guy so much that she also just called the most amazing person ever.”

“Not so loud,” I whispered. She figured something out.

“My sister did go out with him for over a year you know. Just because they never had sex doesn’t mean she was never satisfied. She didn’t give me details but she told me some stories.”

“Do you think it’s weird,” I asked, “you know, that I like him so much?”

“If I had a brother like him, I would have raped him in his sleep by now if he wouldn’t let me do it to him while he was awake.” I felt my face rise dramatically in temperature as she said that.

“Really?”

“You’re too coy; I would definitely have had me a piece of him by now.”

My face had to be glowing in embarrassment. “How… How would you go about doing that?”

“Shoot, according to what you and my sister say, he’s a virgin. Why would I tell you how to break him in? Let me come sleep over this weekend and I’ll prepare him for you.”

I could see in the way she prided her face that she was mostly all talk. I knew she would cower at his feet if she ever actually met him. I was pretty sure she knew it too but I thought she would try anything to at least let him know she existed. I wasn’t letting her near him though. She was my friend. Ean was my lover, or he would be. They didn’t need to know each other; they both had me.

“How far have you gotten with him?” she asked carefully. “You said he touched you.”

“Accidentally. When he was sleeping, I was in bed with him. He thought I was your sister and kind of acted it out on me.” Oh sweet victory. The look on Montana’s face made me almost laugh in happy embarrassment. “He just cupped me down there and – and he kept moving. His thing was moving on my leg and then I let go. He woke up to me moaning.”

Montana’s hands were under the table and her arms were tense. Her face made me want to die in laughter. I had never made someone so jealous before. It felt so amazing that for once, I was the main attraction to a story that would make other girls ping in jealousy. I had to keep going. I couldn’t hold back. It felt so good. I felt soo special.

“On Friday, last week, a couple of days ago – don’t even ask me how I got naked, but I was on his bed completely naked. He was on his knees over me. He had his pants and boxers down on my legs. And he cummed all over my body. It was on my breasts, my ribs; some was seeping into my belly button. It was so warm. He hugged me so tight even though I was so dirty from him and he said he would always protect me no matter what I did. And we fell asleep together like that. Naked in his arms with his sperm all over my chest.”

“Stop it, please stop. You’re killing me.” Montana was in shock. “Don’t even tell me why you were so happy this morning. Seriously, I will give you all my allowances for this entire year if you just let me sleep over at your house once when he’s there.”

“Well, my mom is away so it’s just been me and him for the past week. And I get until Wednesday with him alone some more. After that, mom comes home. I don’t think I could do anything soon.” More like never.

“Could you do at least one thing for me than, and I’ll try to give you advise on stuff I learned about your brother from my sister.”

“What?”

“Call me tonight and tell me what happened that made you so happy this morning.”

I smiled and blushed deeply. “You can never ever tell anyone about this stuff.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

“Can I trust you more than your sister’s ability to keep secrets about my brother?”

Her face went flush. “We had a sister thing, we could trust each other, she never told anyone other than me. But I have a little sister in the seventh grade. I don’t want to lose her trust and I know she can be trusted. It’s a sister thing.” I looked nervously at her. “It’s like you and your brother, you trust each other. So do we.”

“Fine,” I gave in. I really wanted a friend to talk to about this stuff. “You don’t have any special bonds with your parents do you?”

“No, I would never ever tell them anything like that. Besides, if I told them, they would never let me over to your house.”

She was persistent.

The lunch bell rang and I hadn’t taken a single bite of my food. I hadn’t eaten breakfast either; I was actually hungry then.

School ended and I rode home with Ean. The call I was supposed to make that night turned out to be an hour after school. It was a nice gesture for Ean to pick me up from school but at home, he reverted back to his mind. I felt almost guilty that he drove me home, almost as if he felt he had to.

To kill that thought and the boredom of no homework, I called Montana. The sounds of a young girl yelling in the background faded as it sounded like she closed herself into her room. Retelling the story of what happened after my shower didn’t really sound all that interesting, but Montana assured me that were she in my position, she could fully understand why I would be so happy.

The conversation turned into me asking for advice on how to get my older brother to have sex with me. Montana reluctantly accepted that I wasn’t going to let her anywhere near Ean if she didn’t at least try to help me first.

“Try going to bed with him naked.”

“I’ve slept with him naked before.”

“Don’t were any panties then, just a nightgown.”

“He won’t know unless he touches me and he usually doesn’t. Also, that sounds kind of slutty.”

“I don’t know. Just push it in you when he’s asleep and hope he has another dream about my sister.”

“He said if I let him take advantage of me again while he was asleep, he wouldn’t forgive me.”

“Oh.” There she heard it. Just a piece of what was complicating everything. Even though Ean did all that stuff to me, there was so much more that took away the fairy tale aspect of it.

We ended the conversation after a few hours not really accomplishing much. But when I hung up the phone, I felt happy. I didn’t feel alone. I wasn’t lost in a filling thought like after I closed a good book, but after that almost meaningless conversing for hours on end, I still felt full.

Ean and I ate dinner together; he through some chicken and potatoes into the oven. Afterwards, we watched TV for the last few hours of the day.

When I came from the bathroom, I walked directly into Ean’s room. I wasn’t going to ask him if I could sleep with him that night; I was just going to do it. Ean was already getting into bed. The light was still on. I smiled. He was expecting me to come. I liked being expected.

I climbed into bed with him after flipping the light switch. We laid apart for a few minutes in the silence.

“Why haven’t you had sex with me?” I asked him.

“I didn’t know it was my job.”

“I’m not going to do it to you. If you want it, you can come and get it.” I hoped that didn’t sound too bad. I didn’t mean to sound so snobbish.

“You’re my sister. This can’t last forever. We can’t get married. It’s all pointless.”

I laid in silence. He was absolutely right and I knew it. I didn’t want to accept it though. After what we had done together, if we just stopped, I wouldn’t be able to go on living.

“So,” I said. “You never just do something without thinking. Just because you can’t see the end doesn’t mean it’s not worth starting. I think we should do it. It’s the only logical thing in my head right now. It’s been the only logical thing in my mind since before you came home. Since after your girlfriend died. I bet you had everything planned out with her. I bet that wasn’t in your plans. Why do you feel like you need to trust me? Right after everything you know to be true fails, why do you think your mind wants you to look somewhere else for an answer? You’re the smart one always listening to your brain. Why don’t you listen to it when it tells you that you failed, that you need some help? I want to help.”

“You’re fourteen.”

“So!” I raised my voice. “Are you appalled by my little body? My small breasts. My fourteen year old body. Or is it my fourteen year old mind. Am I just too stupid for you; even though I’m your sister? Even though our dad is the same person. You cummed on my naked body and said you trusted me. Now I’m just fourteen. You don’t make any sense!” I waited for a reply. Something. Anything. I just wanted him to say something. I didn’t mean to say all that. I didn’t know where it all came from. I never thought about that before. Why did I just say all that?

“I’m sorry Maeghan. I’m just confused.” I felt the bed shift as he rolled away from me. Those were the last words spoken that night. It felt like all the stuff we did before, him touching me, me stripping for him, him masturbating on me, me drying myself off in front of him, all of it, it was all just children’s games compared to what just happened. I wanted a deeper relationship with him but I didn’t think deeper meant this complicated.

I had it all planned out. I wanted to have sex with him. I would do anything to make that happen. But I never really planned anything out. What was Ean feeling? He was so confused. His last plan with Crystal ended with her dead. Now his new plan - I didn’t think he had a new plan. Maybe he couldn’t piece one together. He was alone. All he had was me, but he thought nothing could happen because we were related. The guy with all the answers had nothing left and I called him out on it. Why did I have to speak?