Dgan
Member Since November 29, 2010
And there is one less virgin
by
Storky
5071 days ago
Dgan
4586 days ago
Storky
5071 days ago
Dgan
4586 days ago
-
0
+
There is an art to conversations within a story. This one? Well, it doesn't have it. The concept is good but comes across a bit teenager dream from someone who has never actually done anything. If you could actually re-write it, slow it down a bit, and separate the people and events I think it would be a much, much better story. The idea itself is fine yet it feels very rushed and unrealistic.
My Girl Delaney
by
Coyote Laughs
Coyote Laughs
No idea. It did the same thing to me, and worse, even though it was cut off mid-post they still published it! Odd, they posted one long story of mine (about 25 pages) and then whacked the other one.
I wish they cold just get the formatting to allow normal Word documents as well as fix the size errors here.
For what it's worth, it was nice to see your start as it looked like it was going to be more than 3 paragraphs written by a 14 year old!
I wish they cold just get the formatting to allow normal Word documents as well as fix the size errors here.
For what it's worth, it was nice to see your start as it looked like it was going to be more than 3 paragraphs written by a 14 year old!
Sealing the Deal
by
Dgan
Dgan
Where the hell did the rest of the story go?!?!?! There were about 15 PAGES of it?!?!?!?
Sealing the Deal
by
Dgan
Dgan
Just tried to break it up and post it in parts but that is all that is posting. Sorry.
Sealing the Deal
by
Dgan
Dgan
I have to wonder if the mods even glance at these things before they publish them, and if they did, why the holy heck did they not simply delete this?!??!
I'm sorry, but there is no decent way in which a story can be written without quotes or apostrophe's. It's painful enough reading some of the stuff the 7-Up Club writes (remember the motto? Never had it, never will), but to not even be able to put in a decent story?!? Are there any better sites that still allow user comments / voting?
I'm sorry, but there is no decent way in which a story can be written without quotes or apostrophe's. It's painful enough reading some of the stuff the 7-Up Club writes (remember the motto? Never had it, never will), but to not even be able to put in a decent story?!? Are there any better sites that still allow user comments / voting?
The Ride of Her Life! CH 1
by
NaSTYPaSTiE
NaSTYPaSTiE
As you asked for feedback this is it, please take it as the Constructive Criticism it is meant to be
Lone, glad you made it to the 12" dick on a teenager. I couldn't get past the deformity of a 34" bust with FFF cup sizes. What planet this creature was from? I wasn't sure which the main story line was, the fantasy of the teacher or the sister and her friends?
One bit of huge credit: You actually tried to give some sort of setting to it instead of three lines of uttered BS. Thank you for that! Granted, spell check corrected spelling but did not choose the correct words. Dying, not dieing in the first sentence for instance. Not a big deal but very distracting.
Take your time and perhaps try writing it in word then pasting it over. Re-read it and tweak it before submitting. It will help with the grammar while keeping the spelling in check. It's your fantasy so I won't question that, but the number of small mistakes (grammar, spelling, capitalization and punctuation) are so distracting that it's hard to read. Enough so that I gave up.
I'm interested in how chapter 2 goes if you take the time to flesh it out as you did in the 1st. It is a welcome change. :)
Lone, glad you made it to the 12" dick on a teenager. I couldn't get past the deformity of a 34" bust with FFF cup sizes. What planet this creature was from? I wasn't sure which the main story line was, the fantasy of the teacher or the sister and her friends?
One bit of huge credit: You actually tried to give some sort of setting to it instead of three lines of uttered BS. Thank you for that! Granted, spell check corrected spelling but did not choose the correct words. Dying, not dieing in the first sentence for instance. Not a big deal but very distracting.
Take your time and perhaps try writing it in word then pasting it over. Re-read it and tweak it before submitting. It will help with the grammar while keeping the spelling in check. It's your fantasy so I won't question that, but the number of small mistakes (grammar, spelling, capitalization and punctuation) are so distracting that it's hard to read. Enough so that I gave up.
I'm interested in how chapter 2 goes if you take the time to flesh it out as you did in the 1st. It is a welcome change. :)
The Ride of Her Life! CH 1
by
NaSTYPaSTiE
NaSTYPaSTiE
You have to love a story sight where the feedback is so limited that I had to edit it about twelve times to get it to fit. Lol!
I didn't expect to lose it (long, first time)
by
Dgan
Dgan
I have been working on it, continuing it from where it was. Also thought about writing it from his point of view which would be pretty easy. Guess it depends on the feedback. If there are a few who don't mind longer intros instead of 20 second 2-paragraph sex scenes I'll be happy to put them up here. :)
I didn't expect to lose it (long, first time)
by
Dgan
Dgan
Thank you! I try to choose my words carefully and I think I have worn holes in the Thesaurus... Interesting trick since it's online!
I do try to evoke the feelings over the rawness and am still working on cutting down on being too wordy.
For those who might be interested I started one from his point of view. The problem? It's already almost twice as long and it hasn't gotten to the point they are naked yet... I'll see if I can narrow it down a bit.
Thank you for the compliments. :)
I do try to evoke the feelings over the rawness and am still working on cutting down on being too wordy.
For those who might be interested I started one from his point of view. The problem? It's already almost twice as long and it hasn't gotten to the point they are naked yet... I'll see if I can narrow it down a bit.
Thank you for the compliments. :)
I didn't expect to lose it (long, first time)
by
Dgan
Dgan
One thing to keep in mind if it might have a few awkward bits of punctuation or a few exchanges that seem a little unclear. I write these in Word and as I do I frequently use italics when speaking from the persons point of view or when emphasizing thoughts while there is something else happening at the same time. Unfortunately the set-up on here won't allow it and I'm having to change italics out for 's. If there is some way to change the formatting in here please let me know. :)