Craylore
Member Since October 19, 2009
I would not believe a dog could seduced me.
by
davidj
5070 days ago
Craylore
5542 days ago
davidj
5070 days ago
Craylore
5542 days ago
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6
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You've the part that many good writers lack in..the story line part.. and ideas.. well, fairly ok anyways..better than your writing skills. You really should pick up a few good books and compare real sentences and descriptions to yours. Or maybe you just
Seducing the Cute Professor
by
gaffe441
gaffe441
Hmm.. I'm tired of being critical of stories.. so I'll just tell you what my personal preference was..the girl sounds like a conceited ditz, and you need to be careful of that if you're writing from another perspective. You started it awful with the 'She
I was supposed to be baby sitting
by
davidj
davidj
You really need to consult a dictionary, or possibly give up writing for quite some time until you happen to wander into an English class. Even if you get that down pat.. the story has a terrible plot.. seriously, they said this.. I said this.. do you kno
My Sis Obsession
by
liam1090
liam1090
I'm sure you'll do well in many things..but leave writing to those who can um scribble blindly on paper, at least. This lacks a story line, bad leads and all around just horrible..try figuring out the basics of english..then possibly read a few well rated
To Many.... Way To Little
by
coast2coastvp
coast2coastvp
I'm sure you're aware of it by now..but this cannot be read... well barely.. you should work on coding.. and the few words I can see.. lack leading responses and thers quite a few mistakes.
Derek and Ryan
by
Layla-Cullen
Layla-Cullen
The story is good... your writing is not bad.. umm.. I must say though..your characters are laughable..so stereotypical. It ruins the story a little..you might want to stick to characters that don't make themselves sound so fruity :P
Derek and Ryan
by
Layla-Cullen
Layla-Cullen
The only thing I disliked about the characters was the lack of substance, but now that I consider maybe for such a short story it's the only way. Of course I will still argue some of the words spoken in the story cannot compare with the descriptions.. The
Another mans daughter.
by
dexterndidi
dexterndidi
An introduction would of been helpful.. cutting right to the chase is a little quick.. Circumstances, a minor introduction..even quick ones could really help. Most people find a way to fit it in during the sotry but you chose to leave it out entirely..sha
Deep Secrets
by
SisterBrenda
SisterBrenda
It's more of a journal than a story.. you simply sound like a robot.. pumping out facts you think everyone can mildly enjoy, this place has categories and many people with different preferences.. use your own.. and please work on your description talents.
slave_ofthe_jackal
by
Hannah
Hannah
Is english even your first language? Either way.. um I completely disagree with the 'potentially a good story' comment.. dispite the spelling and poor leads to conversation.. it lacks any structure .. as well as a good story line and basically is more of
Blackmail in the Swimming Pool
by
beachgirl69
beachgirl69
This is horrible.. you can 'bearly' write.. and seeing you can't seem to recheck your words and figure out it's 'barely' and 'bare' then you probably don't deserve to have a place on this website. The conversation pieces are weak.. and the story in genera
My first time (resubmitted)
by
Yautja
Yautja
You can't write.. nor can you even put together proper sentences or conversations... so why is it you're writing anything in the first place? Maybe I'd find it ok if you at least had good ideas.. but 'Hey this is perfect i could rape her and no one would
Breeding Slave
by
Masters_lilcocksucker
Masters_lilcocksucker
Describe yourself in the exact words that everyone else, who cannot write, uses. Then you give a breif headphone explanation.. of the content..which is fine..but normal people know the story comes after that!!.. you failed to add that part. Didn't think i
The Wild Hunt Part 1
by
Horns & Hooves
Horns & Hooves
You discovered every element to a good and lasting story. It's more than just a simple dirty story, it's interesting as well. The only think I can comment on is you seem to have trouble leading into paragraphs but even that can be overlooked considering i
Pam & the bus driver
by
mike63michael
mike63michael
Learn to spell... or at least use an online dictionary.. the conversation pieces and writing in general are crap.. and if nothing else usually people have a decent story line..but not you. How do you explain things in your head...? Please.. don't write an
My Sister's Ways
by
TheMan2005
TheMan2005
It's a little weak..but compared to the stories here.. not so bad. Your writing seems to have limited words, but you use most of them well, and you have a veryy nice story line. A few typos, could use a few touches of description and possibly more work..b
Cherry
by
Xandria
Xandria
This is written quite well.. and regardless of that fact, which many writers fall back on, and with this site many writers do not even obtain, you also have the idea side. I think this is the first time I've enjoyed a story too much to even be slightly cr
Sister's Sexy Workout
by
reeb76
reeb76
Did you know theres such places that include an online dictionary? Although even the few you can spell you cannot use properly.. your writing in general is horrible.. you sound like a robot. You don't have to worry about being 'conceited' either.. you sou
Sister's Sexy Workout
by
reeb76
reeb76
It would be nice as well if you learnt how to lead into things.. "I ate cereal, cars are nice".."She had bath and me got hard" blech