Unrequited Love

[Aloha Jack]

A quickie, so to speak!


Unrequited love
Holding myself all alone
Becumming so empty

[Tigrok]

Hehe nice playing on words :-)
thanks for sharing Aloha Jack

[davesmistress]

Hummm....I liked it...but not sure why so short?......thanks Aloha Jack for sharing that

[Aloha Jack]

[QUOTE=davesmistress;105740......not sure why so short?......[/QUOTE]

It is short by definition of the style, Mistress.Iit is my poor attempt at Haiku, a Japanese style of unrhymed verse, written in three lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables, with the intention of evoking an allusion or comparitive dichotomy.

Mine is terribly flawed, possibly the result of premature epostulation. Do you see the main flaw? It's stylistic.

[davesmistress]

Hee hee....Thanks for attempting to explain it to me....I understand part of it....Not that I'm dumb as a stump or anything...hahaha but I do not know much about these topics...

I know what I like and what touches me......thanks again and Nice to see you back this way...

[freedom37803]

Very nice play on word Aloha Jack...thanks for sharing it!

[chained rose]

six syllables in the last line Jack, naughty naughty

[Aloha Jack]

Why, Rose, nobody else even noticed the question. But, I new that if you were to happen along (and, I suspected you might), that you would see the flaw immediately. You did not disapoint me.

The haiku structure is essential to its purity, not just of form, but of essense.


Unrequited love
Holding myself all alone
Becumming empty


Corrected meter / more highly honed thought, no?

I suppose one must appreciate the nature of haiku in order to fully understand the words contained in it. And, I must concede, my poor effort may not help anyone see that, at all.

But, I like to play with it occassionally. Thankyou, Rose for playing, too.

[chained rose]

i enjoy shouldering the disclipine of meter -- the challenge of expressing an entire cogent thought or emotion in 17 syllables. My victorian prose style is somewhat at odds with my minimalist taste in poetry.

and yes, much better with the right number of syllables