AlexUndercover
04-17-2017, 05:36 PM
Hello,
I have a short story all writen, and I THINK edited. I'd just like to have one or two people proofread it to give me some feedback, see if there are any places that could use some inprovement/editing/etc.
Please let me know if you would be interested. THANKS!
Here is a snipet of the story...
.................................................
Ky-La's heart raced as she plunged through the foliage. Her brown hair flying behind her, as she leapt, ducked, and weaved deftly onward . She knew the gorape was bearing down upon her, and though her swiftness was nigh unparalleled, there was little chance of outrunning such a beast as pursued her now.
Oh why did I come through this way!? Where is Ko-Den!?
"Ko-den!!" Ky-La called out again for him as she ran. Certainly her mighty husband, could smite the beast, she knew, for she had seen him do it before. He was the most capable warrior she'd ever known. If only she hadn't insisted they split up. They'd been searching for a particular mushroom, one that blossomed at midnight, but retreated back into the ground by mid-day. It was such a rare ingredient that even the local apothecaries were currently out. Morning burned on, therefore their time was running out. Impatience had taken its hold on the young queen. Soon the sun would reach its pinnacle. Splitting up, however, would increase their likelihood of finding one before that happened.
This area of Tevaria was one of the few places this particular species of mushroom grew. It was also one of the less friendly places of the jungle. And the territory Ky-La was now in, the typically wise queen knew better than to wander into--for this was where dwelled the gorapes.
..................................................
I have a short story all writen, and I THINK edited. I'd just like to have one or two people proofread it to give me some feedback, see if there are any places that could use some inprovement/editing/etc.
Please let me know if you would be interested. THANKS!
Here is a snipet of the story...
.................................................
Ky-La's heart raced as she plunged through the foliage. Her brown hair flying behind her, as she leapt, ducked, and weaved deftly onward . She knew the gorape was bearing down upon her, and though her swiftness was nigh unparalleled, there was little chance of outrunning such a beast as pursued her now.
Oh why did I come through this way!? Where is Ko-Den!?
"Ko-den!!" Ky-La called out again for him as she ran. Certainly her mighty husband, could smite the beast, she knew, for she had seen him do it before. He was the most capable warrior she'd ever known. If only she hadn't insisted they split up. They'd been searching for a particular mushroom, one that blossomed at midnight, but retreated back into the ground by mid-day. It was such a rare ingredient that even the local apothecaries were currently out. Morning burned on, therefore their time was running out. Impatience had taken its hold on the young queen. Soon the sun would reach its pinnacle. Splitting up, however, would increase their likelihood of finding one before that happened.
This area of Tevaria was one of the few places this particular species of mushroom grew. It was also one of the less friendly places of the jungle. And the territory Ky-La was now in, the typically wise queen knew better than to wander into--for this was where dwelled the gorapes.
..................................................