DarkRide
11-08-2015, 05:23 AM
Greetings,
I am working on a story, and was wanting some feedback as to whether it is moving to slowly... Constructive criticism appreciated.
The Job
by
Dark Ride
2015
Chapter One - Preparations
The phone interview seemed much easier than I'd expected, with more questions about family values than my work history. Maybe that should have been my first clue. Instead I just happily told my wife and kids that we were moving to New Orleans, thinking they would be as happy as I was with the idea.
Instead all I got was attitude from my 15 year old daughter, Ashley. "What about all my friends!? My school? You're ruining my life, dad!" There was no reasoning with the teenage mind. Never matter the pay increase, the better lifestyle, the chance to re-start my career. My son, Todd, 12, was more philosophical. "Does that mean we can get an XBox One?"
And my wife... Rachel... she as always was by my side, telling the kids it would be great, they'd make new friends, they'd enjoy the new culture... In bed that night, as she rode my cock, she showed her own reluctance, fears, til I convinced her we were doing the right thing... A big company... lots of opportunities... perks for staff and family... great medical plan...
I went to sleep that night knowing I was doing the right thing, for myself, and my family...
Two weeks and 1,000 miles later, I sat in a big chair, looking away from my arm. I winced as the nurse pierced my vein and started to draw my blood. Once the needle was in, I could look again, though I preferred to look at the nurse. A skinny pretty blonde with large but not unnatural looking breasts proudly contained in a push-up bra. She always seemed to be by the doctor's side.
Doc J, everyone called him; a middle-aged man who reminded me of Bobby from Dallas (back in the old days). As nurse Helen's breasts started to move away, I realised he was talking to me. "So now your bloods are done, we just need some other samples from you. Urine, feces, and semen." Although he didn't look up from his notes, he must have seen my face. "We need to cover all our bases, I'm sure you understand." He gave me 3 collection cups, and pointed me to a room.
Inside was a toilet and wash basin, but also a sofa, with a small table. On the table was an iPad. After taking care of the first two samples, I sat nervously on the sofa. I'd never had call to do this into a cup before... I picked up the iPad curiously, and found that it was set up with an array of porn.
After getting comfortable, I started swiping through the selections, nervously looking at the door now and then... Deciding I'd better get a move on, I chose a folder, tapped an entry... I was greeted by the sight of a young looking girl walking down the street, before being approached by a man who offered her money to go with him. Seriously, does anyone believe this stuff?
Regardless, seeing her pretty young face sucking the guy's extraordinarily big cock... then watching him flip her over doggy style and push it into her... I soon made my deposit.
As I handed the samples to Doc J, he told me that whilst his clinic here at work only opened Mondays and Wednesdays, he really needed to see my family for their medicals as soon as possible. He suggested I send them along to his private clinic for their examinations - if indeed we wanted to make use of the company's medical plan.
"Of course," I told him. "I'm sure Rachel can pull the kids out of their new school for a few hours..."
....
I am working on a story, and was wanting some feedback as to whether it is moving to slowly... Constructive criticism appreciated.
The Job
by
Dark Ride
2015
Chapter One - Preparations
The phone interview seemed much easier than I'd expected, with more questions about family values than my work history. Maybe that should have been my first clue. Instead I just happily told my wife and kids that we were moving to New Orleans, thinking they would be as happy as I was with the idea.
Instead all I got was attitude from my 15 year old daughter, Ashley. "What about all my friends!? My school? You're ruining my life, dad!" There was no reasoning with the teenage mind. Never matter the pay increase, the better lifestyle, the chance to re-start my career. My son, Todd, 12, was more philosophical. "Does that mean we can get an XBox One?"
And my wife... Rachel... she as always was by my side, telling the kids it would be great, they'd make new friends, they'd enjoy the new culture... In bed that night, as she rode my cock, she showed her own reluctance, fears, til I convinced her we were doing the right thing... A big company... lots of opportunities... perks for staff and family... great medical plan...
I went to sleep that night knowing I was doing the right thing, for myself, and my family...
Two weeks and 1,000 miles later, I sat in a big chair, looking away from my arm. I winced as the nurse pierced my vein and started to draw my blood. Once the needle was in, I could look again, though I preferred to look at the nurse. A skinny pretty blonde with large but not unnatural looking breasts proudly contained in a push-up bra. She always seemed to be by the doctor's side.
Doc J, everyone called him; a middle-aged man who reminded me of Bobby from Dallas (back in the old days). As nurse Helen's breasts started to move away, I realised he was talking to me. "So now your bloods are done, we just need some other samples from you. Urine, feces, and semen." Although he didn't look up from his notes, he must have seen my face. "We need to cover all our bases, I'm sure you understand." He gave me 3 collection cups, and pointed me to a room.
Inside was a toilet and wash basin, but also a sofa, with a small table. On the table was an iPad. After taking care of the first two samples, I sat nervously on the sofa. I'd never had call to do this into a cup before... I picked up the iPad curiously, and found that it was set up with an array of porn.
After getting comfortable, I started swiping through the selections, nervously looking at the door now and then... Deciding I'd better get a move on, I chose a folder, tapped an entry... I was greeted by the sight of a young looking girl walking down the street, before being approached by a man who offered her money to go with him. Seriously, does anyone believe this stuff?
Regardless, seeing her pretty young face sucking the guy's extraordinarily big cock... then watching him flip her over doggy style and push it into her... I soon made my deposit.
As I handed the samples to Doc J, he told me that whilst his clinic here at work only opened Mondays and Wednesdays, he really needed to see my family for their medicals as soon as possible. He suggested I send them along to his private clinic for their examinations - if indeed we wanted to make use of the company's medical plan.
"Of course," I told him. "I'm sure Rachel can pull the kids out of their new school for a few hours..."
....