Amasterfound
12-12-2012, 05:36 PM
Diary of a Snow Shoveler......
So far so good...
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the
season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours
by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from
heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we
felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here
was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in
years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the
sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up
the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel
again. What a perfect life!
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll
definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be
awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter,
that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's
possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind
took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway
And sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this
afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would
have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get
back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra
shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in
case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't
in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my rear end on the
ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like you can't
believe. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very
cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the
blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife
and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood
stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's
right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living
room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That dumb
snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel,
but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're
lying.
December 21: Called the only hardware store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another
shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to
shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's
lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13
more inches of the white crud fell today, and it's so cold it
probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all
dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to use the
bathroom. By the time I got undressed, went, and dressed again,
I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on
his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.
I'm sure he is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The
wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month
ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the
shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the
son of a gun who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the
snow by his ears. I know he hides around the corner and waits
for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at
a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just
been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with
her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that
snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the miserable
slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood
boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by
asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my
shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an
idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time,
I'm going to scream!
December 26: Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was
all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE B***CH
is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof
or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How
dumb does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for
a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more
inches of snow predicted.
December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more
shoveling.
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
So far so good...
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the
season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours
by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from
heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we
felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here
was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in
years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the
sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up
the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel
again. What a perfect life!
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll
definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be
awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter,
that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's
possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind
took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway
And sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this
afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would
have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get
back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra
shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in
case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't
in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my rear end on the
ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like you can't
believe. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very
cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the
blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife
and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood
stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's
right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living
room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That dumb
snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel,
but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're
lying.
December 21: Called the only hardware store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another
shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to
shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's
lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13
more inches of the white crud fell today, and it's so cold it
probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all
dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to use the
bathroom. By the time I got undressed, went, and dressed again,
I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on
his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.
I'm sure he is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The
wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month
ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the
shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the
son of a gun who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the
snow by his ears. I know he hides around the corner and waits
for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at
a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just
been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with
her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that
snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the miserable
slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood
boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by
asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my
shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an
idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time,
I'm going to scream!
December 26: Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was
all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE B***CH
is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof
or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How
dumb does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for
a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more
inches of snow predicted.
December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more
shoveling.
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?